First Flight, etc.

Hello friends! I’m sitting on flight 879 on my way to Hong Kong, and let me tell you, this is one long flight! Seriously, I feel like I’ve been flying all day long. . oh wait, I HAVE! When I got off in San Francisco I overheard someone ask what time it was and the response was 11:30. By that point in my day, I had gone through about four 11:30s! And then of course, I could finally begin my international flight!

It has been so great to finally meet so many of the faces that I’ve only seen through profile pictures on Facebook. Oh, and they are all such sweet people! Laura and Kyle are my flying family and have been such great fun on the journey! Especially since Kyle is from Canada! Talk about fun to listen to talk! We’ve been able to take restroom breaks together, as whenever I have to get up, we all do because I’m in the window seat. And enjoyed a tasty airplane food meal together! Yum! No seriously, it wasn’t too terrible!

But anyway, I just wanted to update from the plane and send a few things to be praying for.

First off, several of our team members were not able to join us on our flight. This is pretty upsetting since they couldn’t travel with the group and be reassured with ELIC folks’ company, so pray for their reassurance.

Secondly, I have been getting random surges of inadequacy. I know God has prepared me for this journey or I wouldn’t even be on this plane, but the whole not speaking a word of hardly any foreign language will get to me every now and again.

Although, I will say, God has certainly done something right with our team! The planning is great. I have some great feelings about us all meshing together. In fact, I’m a really big fan of Laura. She’s cracking me up right now!

blinking

i never saw this coming. this whole, traveling across the earth thing. seriously, its exactly twelve time zones over.

this is big stuff. this is life changing stuff. but then again, all our lives can be. Its about what we make them. Do we make our everyday lives life changing stuff? we could. we really could. and not just our own lives. more importantly, those around us.

wonderful, merciful savior

knowing that you'll only be at camp for less than two weeks is sort of like stabbing yourself in the heart. i love ambassador camp so very much. the community is like no other on the planet. there is no way to explain it, so i won't attempt trying to.
but it has been some of the most difficult times of being at camp. knowing that i'll only be here to be a counselor for one week is heartbreaking. i feel like i'm teasing myself.


please be praying that the week that i plan on spending packing and really preparing everything for my journey to China won't be more difficult than i already anticipate because of my longing to spend more time at camp. i know my King has some amazing stuff in store for me while i am in Asia, and i absolutely cannot wait to get started! but its going to be difficult. my heart does indeed belong to this camp. i try not to spend too much time thinking about camp outside of it because camp often tends to making reality pale in comparison to everything about this place.


but God is good. He makes this place what it is.


He is the counselor. comforter. keeper.

Brand New Day

Reflections of a Caste System

My friend Tia is in India right now serving her Father faithfully and spreading His word. I got to speak to her a few mornings ago while she was relaxing and updating her own blog about her journey. She mentioned the beauty of the country and its villages. Tia has the blessing of working with a people group that have never even seen Americans, much less heard the word of eternal Hope. As we were talking she mentioned how terrible the Indian caste system is. It is often divided by the wealth of the household one is born into. The poor and wealthy live by each other without a look from the other. Although people from each of these groups live lives that cause them to collide with one another each day. Side by side they conduct their lives casting judgement and creating differences between all of them because of the oppressive system.

Most of us live in caste systems of our own. Each day we run into others that are poorer or richer than us. But not in the monetary sense of the word; in the spiritual. We create boundries between people we know that are suffering because of their lack of Hope and our own lives. Its as if we're concerned that we're going to catch some sort of 'disbelief disease' if we spend too much time conducting our lives with them in mind. But we're commanded to. I am reminded of the Great Commission and 'to go and make disciples of all nations' in Matthew 28. Too often we read all nations and we think of those that are not our own. But what about it? What about this nation? What about the cites and towns that we find ourselves in right now that have caste systems that too greatly parallel that of India?
Why can't the richness that we have found for our own lives not be overflowed to those that lack it? How can we cast judgements on those who live a lifestyle of sin, when we offer them no hope to step out of it? Do we live our lives in attempt to break down the spiritual caste system that we universally live in?

All this to say, remember that the souls without Christ across the world are just and hungry as those in this nation. Let us not live our lives in the a caste system that restricts the Spirit from fulfilling His work in us. I ask that you join me in praying particularly for the nation of India today. For the Lord can indeed break the barriers that exists spiritually and physically in that country. And do the same for your own country. The God that we serve can destroy the caste system we find ourselves functioning under.

Christmas Mornin' Feelin'?

I'm not sleeping properly. I'm not really okay with it, but this time, at least I have a semi-decent reason for it.
My fourteen year old brother is leaving for Puerto Rico tomorrow, or rather, later today. And he's going that way for a mission trip! Its truly exciting to see him growing in Christ and yearning to serve his King. Earlier he came downstairs because he couldn't sleep. He's as excited as I am for him! But he made the statement that its practically like Christmas.
I found a flaw in his statement. It is the complete opposite of Christmas. The night before Christmas is about waiting for all the things you're going to get in the morning. The toys, games and clothes that will all fade away. But not being able to sleep because of this excitement is different.
This excitement is when selfishness transforms into selflessness. Yes, my brother will indeed be rewarded through obedience, but its not about him. This traveling adventure isn't about what he can get out of it. Its about being completely outside of yourself and existing for something greater. something eternal.

i want to see us yearn for the excitement of the transformation from selfishness. and not just have this kind of excitement for other, but also ourselves. do we find ourselves being willing to personally be selfless, or is it easier to watch everyone else manage it?

addiction

knitting is addicting. no seriously, my fingers are killing me but I can't make myself stop.

3/19/10

i'm not sure
how hard we'll fall
before we reach the top
of the wayward
willow tree.
that stands

alone.

surrounded by
foreign types.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
for the rain to
hold her
down.

though i never have the chance.

i was never much of a writer. . but a reader, now i've got that one covered.



i'm more passionate than i realized. now cultivation must continue without doubt.

forgiveness.

'Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love,
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin,

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me,
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evin in your sight,
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.'


Psalm 51:1-4

right now

'this is for the girl next door
who thinks she knows me
she adore the way my words
feel just like home
but she don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.

this is for the boy next door
who thinks he loves me
he adores the voice that soars
into his heart
but he don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.

Where do you lie down?
And can I lie too,
Oh just for a moment,
But then I gotta go.'
-Ingrid Michaelson

he trys to find a cure for the pain

'so blood is fire pulsing through our veins
we're either riders or fools behind the reins.
i've spent ten years, trying to sing it all away
but the water keeps on falling from my tries
and heaven knows, heaven knows
i try to find a cure for the pain
oh my Lord, to suffer like you do,
it would be a lie to run away
a lie to run
it would be a lie
it would be a lie to run away'
-jon forman

CHINA!

For the pass four summers I have spent six weeks of my summers as a camp counselor at Ambassador Camp on Lake Waccamaw, North Carolina. I've known since early last semester that God was calling me to do something different with my summer this year. This was hard to accept, especially when the ninety-three year old woman, Aunt Sara, who founded and has run camp for the pass fifty four years died in the same semester. My desire was to stay where I was comfortable and where I knew I was needed. But I know God can run camp without me. So I kept searching for where He would be using me.
I am on the leadership team for the Baptist Collegiate Ministries on the Francis Marion University campus. BCM has a lot of summer mission opportunities during so I started the application for some of the trips. Still, nothing felt quite right (and let's note: there are no currently planned trips to China this summer!). I knew God was teaching me to wait on him.
Four friends and I were journeying to Passion2010 and I was REALLY hoping for some sort of revelation about where God might have me this summer. It came in a way I never expected. On the third evening of Passion, Louie Giglio kicked the main session off with a video about China. I honestly cannot tell you much of what was said in that video. There weren't any super convicting facts about the godlessness in China that would make one want to get involved with China, but I knew I had to make my way there. Chinese college students were all that I could think about. After the video, the girl that shared her testimony in the video was actually introduced by Louie and then prayed for everyone at Passion. When Sam started praying for us in Chinese it blew my mind!
After the main session, community groups were held. I was actually a little nervous about meeting in my family group. I knew we would be talking about what John Piper had just spoken about, but I had no clue what he said because my mind was on China the ENTIRE time. I had no idea how in the world I was supposed to get there, but Chinese college students were all that mattered. When my family group started talking about what Piper had spoken on I was clueless. Before we got too far into discussion, Clay, my community group's leader touched my back and asked if he could sit with us for a few minutes while we discussed what John had spoken about. The circle was just getting around to my understanding when I looked at Clay and explained that I did not have a clue what he had spoken about. And that I had been thinking about China the entire time. He looked at me and said, that it was rather funny that I had be given such an interest for China and that I should certainly talk with 'Biscuet', who lives in China. Of course at that moment I did not have a clue who in the world Biscuet was. But after community groups I was connected with him and began asking him about his passion for China
Biscuet actually teaches English in Hong Kong and works with an organization that has folks like him teaching English across East Asia. He's been with the English Language Institue/China for two years working as an English teacher.
Then he began talking about Engage. This program invites anyone to come and spend four weeks in mainland China, working with students and getting to know them right where they are and sharing Christ's love with them. Then, the fifth week is spent in Vietnam, Lous, Mongolia, Cambodia or mainland China doing the same thing there. I knew that out of the whole line up of these events I had to go! And this was exactly where God wanted me this summer.
China?! of all places! I've never considered China in my life! But I am so sure that there is where he will have me this summer!
Please be praying for China. Be praying for my journey there. And pray for the hearts of the people I and the team I will be working with will be interacting with this summer. I cannot wait and God has so much in store!

after a much needed phone chat.

'For the Lord's sake, yield to the people who have authority in this world: the king, who is the highest authority, and the leaders who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to praise those who do right. It is God's desire that by doing good you should stop foolish people from saying stupid things about you. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. Live as servants of God. Show respect for all people: Love the brothers and sisters of God's family, respect God, honor the king.'
1 Peter 2:13-17

i am not a robot.

they're gone. diminished. completely conquered. this victory is a strange feeling. its almost like its not a victory. and now that i'm thinking that, its not, not for my flesh anyway. and here comes the separation again. i want to feed my flesh, but this victory is so much better. God is good.

completion.

God is good.

We cannot question His perfect timing or ways. He is good.

Lately I've had several 'testimony swaps' with some great new/old friends of mine. And in the case that one does not follow me on twitter or have befriended me on facebook, God is teaching me so much about community. It is so important to build good relationships with people that are actively pursuing God and to talk about it! God built us for relationships to not only encourage, but to learn from one another. If I can manage to be taught through the hardship of another rather then having to endure it myself, why not take advantage of the story that God has given someone else?
In my case testimony swaps are rather spontaneous things. And they have a way of making us all think about our lives and consider what God is teaching us so much more than we do when we are thinking about things on our own. With being as verbal as I am, I often say things when telling my story that I did not even realize about myself or about God's character. He is so good about revealing himself in His own mysterious timing and way.

Lately I've felt a serious separation. an absolutely painful one. like the reconstruction pains. The closer that God draws me near to Him the farther my sin feels away from who I am. My King is molding me into a being so like Him that I can literally feel the separation that sin causes from His wholeness. That separation is painful. It tears from the inside. I am the problem. Its a strange thing, to be disgusted with yourself and with sin. But its such a right thing, if we allow God to be in control of redeeming our lives into something so much better than what we think we could make for ourselves.

He is good. And I'm so thankful for everything he is doing in my life.

authoring.

excellent. i think i'll write children's books one day.

because i love story time with community and tales about my superhero detective friends, Tim and Lacie.

we know not why.

'I find I must borrow yet another parable from George MacDonald. Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right a stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage; but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.' -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The process of this remodeling isn't pretty. Pulling the old rotting foundation that we have built the house that we are on is not anything close to beautiful. It hurts. This is happening now. I do not have a clue what He is up to. But I wonder.
I want to fast forward through this process of knocking out walls and adding new things, but I cannot skip steps. This house would not be quite as stable if I was to hurry or skip things. And sometimes projects are left unfinished, but they will be completed when God is ready. Nothing is mine to direct.
But apparently I do have work to do inside of it. Do I have a choice?

This pile of words represents the confusion that I am in right now. Not only is the foundation moving, but the whole house is being relocated to a different destination. And I don't know where that is. .

honest dreams.

if i could do anything in the entire world, i would play bass in an indie band and hit up waffle house after shows. then sugar up on coffee and stay up until morn talking about important things in life, like politics and music, with the most quality of folks. ; )

that sort of always been a secret dream of mine. i'm not so sure why it was secret.

shaking

your general complexities leave me trembling.