forgiveness.

'Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love,
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin,

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me,
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evin in your sight,
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.'


Psalm 51:1-4

right now

'this is for the girl next door
who thinks she knows me
she adore the way my words
feel just like home
but she don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.

this is for the boy next door
who thinks he loves me
he adores the voice that soars
into his heart
but he don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.

Where do you lie down?
And can I lie too,
Oh just for a moment,
But then I gotta go.'
-Ingrid Michaelson

he trys to find a cure for the pain

'so blood is fire pulsing through our veins
we're either riders or fools behind the reins.
i've spent ten years, trying to sing it all away
but the water keeps on falling from my tries
and heaven knows, heaven knows
i try to find a cure for the pain
oh my Lord, to suffer like you do,
it would be a lie to run away
a lie to run
it would be a lie
it would be a lie to run away'
-jon forman

CHINA!

For the pass four summers I have spent six weeks of my summers as a camp counselor at Ambassador Camp on Lake Waccamaw, North Carolina. I've known since early last semester that God was calling me to do something different with my summer this year. This was hard to accept, especially when the ninety-three year old woman, Aunt Sara, who founded and has run camp for the pass fifty four years died in the same semester. My desire was to stay where I was comfortable and where I knew I was needed. But I know God can run camp without me. So I kept searching for where He would be using me.
I am on the leadership team for the Baptist Collegiate Ministries on the Francis Marion University campus. BCM has a lot of summer mission opportunities during so I started the application for some of the trips. Still, nothing felt quite right (and let's note: there are no currently planned trips to China this summer!). I knew God was teaching me to wait on him.
Four friends and I were journeying to Passion2010 and I was REALLY hoping for some sort of revelation about where God might have me this summer. It came in a way I never expected. On the third evening of Passion, Louie Giglio kicked the main session off with a video about China. I honestly cannot tell you much of what was said in that video. There weren't any super convicting facts about the godlessness in China that would make one want to get involved with China, but I knew I had to make my way there. Chinese college students were all that I could think about. After the video, the girl that shared her testimony in the video was actually introduced by Louie and then prayed for everyone at Passion. When Sam started praying for us in Chinese it blew my mind!
After the main session, community groups were held. I was actually a little nervous about meeting in my family group. I knew we would be talking about what John Piper had just spoken about, but I had no clue what he said because my mind was on China the ENTIRE time. I had no idea how in the world I was supposed to get there, but Chinese college students were all that mattered. When my family group started talking about what Piper had spoken on I was clueless. Before we got too far into discussion, Clay, my community group's leader touched my back and asked if he could sit with us for a few minutes while we discussed what John had spoken about. The circle was just getting around to my understanding when I looked at Clay and explained that I did not have a clue what he had spoken about. And that I had been thinking about China the entire time. He looked at me and said, that it was rather funny that I had be given such an interest for China and that I should certainly talk with 'Biscuet', who lives in China. Of course at that moment I did not have a clue who in the world Biscuet was. But after community groups I was connected with him and began asking him about his passion for China
Biscuet actually teaches English in Hong Kong and works with an organization that has folks like him teaching English across East Asia. He's been with the English Language Institue/China for two years working as an English teacher.
Then he began talking about Engage. This program invites anyone to come and spend four weeks in mainland China, working with students and getting to know them right where they are and sharing Christ's love with them. Then, the fifth week is spent in Vietnam, Lous, Mongolia, Cambodia or mainland China doing the same thing there. I knew that out of the whole line up of these events I had to go! And this was exactly where God wanted me this summer.
China?! of all places! I've never considered China in my life! But I am so sure that there is where he will have me this summer!
Please be praying for China. Be praying for my journey there. And pray for the hearts of the people I and the team I will be working with will be interacting with this summer. I cannot wait and God has so much in store!

after a much needed phone chat.

'For the Lord's sake, yield to the people who have authority in this world: the king, who is the highest authority, and the leaders who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to praise those who do right. It is God's desire that by doing good you should stop foolish people from saying stupid things about you. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. Live as servants of God. Show respect for all people: Love the brothers and sisters of God's family, respect God, honor the king.'
1 Peter 2:13-17

i am not a robot.

they're gone. diminished. completely conquered. this victory is a strange feeling. its almost like its not a victory. and now that i'm thinking that, its not, not for my flesh anyway. and here comes the separation again. i want to feed my flesh, but this victory is so much better. God is good.

completion.

God is good.

We cannot question His perfect timing or ways. He is good.

Lately I've had several 'testimony swaps' with some great new/old friends of mine. And in the case that one does not follow me on twitter or have befriended me on facebook, God is teaching me so much about community. It is so important to build good relationships with people that are actively pursuing God and to talk about it! God built us for relationships to not only encourage, but to learn from one another. If I can manage to be taught through the hardship of another rather then having to endure it myself, why not take advantage of the story that God has given someone else?
In my case testimony swaps are rather spontaneous things. And they have a way of making us all think about our lives and consider what God is teaching us so much more than we do when we are thinking about things on our own. With being as verbal as I am, I often say things when telling my story that I did not even realize about myself or about God's character. He is so good about revealing himself in His own mysterious timing and way.

Lately I've felt a serious separation. an absolutely painful one. like the reconstruction pains. The closer that God draws me near to Him the farther my sin feels away from who I am. My King is molding me into a being so like Him that I can literally feel the separation that sin causes from His wholeness. That separation is painful. It tears from the inside. I am the problem. Its a strange thing, to be disgusted with yourself and with sin. But its such a right thing, if we allow God to be in control of redeeming our lives into something so much better than what we think we could make for ourselves.

He is good. And I'm so thankful for everything he is doing in my life.

authoring.

excellent. i think i'll write children's books one day.

because i love story time with community and tales about my superhero detective friends, Tim and Lacie.

we know not why.

'I find I must borrow yet another parable from George MacDonald. Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right a stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage; but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.' -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The process of this remodeling isn't pretty. Pulling the old rotting foundation that we have built the house that we are on is not anything close to beautiful. It hurts. This is happening now. I do not have a clue what He is up to. But I wonder.
I want to fast forward through this process of knocking out walls and adding new things, but I cannot skip steps. This house would not be quite as stable if I was to hurry or skip things. And sometimes projects are left unfinished, but they will be completed when God is ready. Nothing is mine to direct.
But apparently I do have work to do inside of it. Do I have a choice?

This pile of words represents the confusion that I am in right now. Not only is the foundation moving, but the whole house is being relocated to a different destination. And I don't know where that is. .

honest dreams.

if i could do anything in the entire world, i would play bass in an indie band and hit up waffle house after shows. then sugar up on coffee and stay up until morn talking about important things in life, like politics and music, with the most quality of folks. ; )

that sort of always been a secret dream of mine. i'm not so sure why it was secret.

shaking

your general complexities leave me trembling.

the difference.

'Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed---not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence---continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.' Philippians 2: 12-16a

That's the issue, you don't hold firmly to the word of life. We hold on to the death that this life presents. We hold on so tightly that we cannot even glimpse at His word of life. We're far too busy looking at ourselves and how to satisfy others, when God is the one we need to both look to and attempt to satisfy.

God's Word

God's word is so good and full of both knowledge and truth that I continue to read the same books and passages over and over because of it. I cannot get enough of the love He shows just through giving me once verse of scripture that I get lost in awe of the glory He displays through it. I reread these words because He is so alive and his words so active.

'All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that all God's people may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.' -2 Timothy 3:16-17

nose.

i have a few favorite smells. Cheraw in the fall and the hair dye that i use are two of them. they are absolutely fantastic!

fiction

i've never had that feeling of true numbness until today. its probably the most unwanted feeling i've ever felt. i always thought it was fictional. . .

Sin and the Fact That We Can Do Nothing About It.

We can not, will not, and have absolutely no hopes of changing anyone's way of thinking until we show them Jesus. There are no hopes in trying to tell one to stop acting upon their gay feelings, to stop stealing from their parents, to stop cheating on their husband and wives, to stop lying to themselves until we show them Jesus. There is no reasoning with someone who doesn't agree with or has any reason to be moral. Too many people think of themselves as being completely alone. They're not. I fight hard enough to go against my sinful nature because I have an eternal reason to do so. Until we give those who do wrong the real reason to do so, we can expect no more of them than sin itself.

its mail time!

its camp time! which should mean mail time! i'll be at ambassador camp for the next six weeks and mail is always fun! so feel free to send me something delightful at:

Stephanie Moore
c/o Ambassador Camp
PO Box 200
Lake Waccamaw, NC 28450

And if you're too lazy to send an envelope please at least be praying for our team of staffers that will be working on Lake Waccamaw this summer!

guitar players.

so i recently discovered that i am not in any way attracted to guys that play guitar. i mean, that's cool and all, but it doesn't make a guy hot. now piano, that's a different story.

open your head!

The older I get the more annoyed I am by closed mindedness. That's not to say that I'm a tolerant fool that thinks everyone should get what they want. A huge annoyance grows in me when I read or hear close minded statements. That's not to say that one is not free to express every bit of their opinion, but keep in mind that the more you express, the more room you make for mine! I've been most aggravated by statements with clear prejudices and very little reasoning behind them. Let's not decrease our own intelligence by insulting another's.
I try my very best to keep an open mind, despite my strong political, religious and moral beliefs. We must realize not everyone is going to agree with us, and many people that don't, probably have a pretty good reason for thinking different. I think my roommate put it best when she declared that "you don't ignore your basic values...but you are compassionate and understanding. . . " This should continue. Not only for me, but for those that expect to be respected and have conversations with those who don't agree, in attempt to sharpen themselves.

hardcore.

i wonder why the heck i stay up like i do? what a dummy. i don't have time to make up for lost sleep until camp.