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Tonight I realized how often I forget the verse when Jesus proclaims that we are to

'take up our cross

daily

and follow him.'

in Luke 9:23. my problems aren't really a one time thing. Turning things over for God to control isn't a one time deal. for me, it has to happen every day. because if i don't, then i pick the struggle back up.

journaling

'I was very cautious about what I put in the journals. I don't think it was because I feared someone else would discover my secrets. I think I was afraid to articulate, even for myself, feelings I might have to get rid of. Better to stick with what God was saying to me that what my heart was saying. It seemed the safer course.' -Elisabeth Elliot


God is much more concerned with our holiness than He is our own happiness.

day one.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. i miss you. your optimism. your sarcasm. your encouragement. your need for words of affirmation. and how i knew exactly how to give that love to you. and in return, you knew how to love me.
2. i really wish you hadn't done that to me. i almost feel like i'm screwed up for life. i've had complete paranoia about relationships ever since we ended.
3. if you were fifteen years younger and i didn't have a boy in my life, i'd date you.
4. you make me self conscience. and that's stupid. because you're an immature version of me.
5. why did you mess them up? i'm forever seen as a parallel because of you. and i hate that. can i just be steph?
6. i'm sorry relationships are complicated.
7. i miss you in my life. sometimes i need you more than i realize. the days when i want to go cry. and to be held by you. because its the most consistent i've ever known.
8. you don't know everything. i don't either. but i don't try to either. .
9. you are incredibly patient. and incredibly loving. don't doubt yourself. and i'll try to do the same for you.
10. i miss you. i need your ninety-three year old eyes looking into mine and knowing everything about me. i wish i could see you on this side of heaven again.

3:30am.

'He reached down from on high and took
hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful
enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong
for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious
place;
he rescued me because he delighted
in me.'
Psalm 18:16-19

I went to bed early tonight. After some prayer and reaching for comfort. Feeling a slight bit of peace at 11:55pm.
Waking up at 3:20am, I found myself well rested. Not just physically&with energy. But with a newness. Feeling the need to praise, I flipped to the Psalms, and there, found even more strength. God is good!

mixer.

Often we find ourselves dividing our activities into two categories: secular and sacred. We treat them as two very different things and find ourselves needing to check off the sacred in attempt to become more holy and justify the secular. We don't mix the two, and the rare time we do in the South, we call it fellowship (and that usually involves food). But I can't say with confidence that this is what God meant when he told us to live lives according to His glory. As buildings of God we are commanded to:

"build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire and the fire will test the quality of each person's work." 1 Corinthians 3:10b-13

Now, that is not to say, we must work in attempt to find this foundation, for the foundation has indeed already been laid by Jesus Christ. But what are we building with? Are we building with lasting impressions of what God has already done in our hearts or are we cheating ourselves with surface level straw?

for the next. .

nine times i want to blog, but don't know what to say:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

jam.

'Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.' 1 Timothy 4:16

keep yourself accountable for these.

charm is deceitful

pools, falling down cheeks.

streams, surfacing to palms.

quakes, disturbing voices.

vines, choking kindness.

bitterness, controlling hearts.


lions, prowling for deceit.





'Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.'
1 Peter 5:8

wait.

'. . .no one as heard
no ear has perceived
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.'

isaiah 64:4

forever.

i've had a seemingly parallel trio in my life. three boys continue to circulate in my life and its probably one of the strangest things i've ever loved.

collin, andrew, kevin
taylor, jed, david
randy, andy, william

odd.

branches.

sometimes we get so far ahead of where we were we don't realize just how far we've come.

Where Did I See My God?

the team list. after two weeks.

-Emma, in dealing with meat even though she's usually a strict vegan.
-Charlie, in eagerly asking me how I am doing and how my day is.
-Lauren, in her humility in experience.
-Laura, in her offerings of patience.
-Rachel, in her beautiful words of encouragement.
-Michaela, in her kind and gentle spirit.
-Lisa, in her praising voice and energy.
-Derek, when he realizes his own needs, to focus on HK&team.
-Chisom, in her wisdom and beauty.

this is a simple list. and this is only after two weeks.

three weeks later the list was expansive and had completely blossomed, just as my love for each member had.


i type this in effort for it to stay true in my life. I need to do this daily.
After the first time I compiled such a list I was speaking with Derek. And I realized that I, nor most of us, spend very much time seeing God in each other. Far too often I look for God in His actions, his natural creation, but rarely do I find myself looking into the character of others to better realize the character of God. As a family in Christ, we are called to exist as such. We attempt to make ourselves more like Christ, but do we take the time to honestly count the ways Christ shows himself to us in the lives of others?

glory.

If you have been reading my blog in hopes of hearing about Hong Kong, I'm sorry about the lack of updates. When you spend your days lesson planning, laughing with team, exploring hk and loving on students, there really isn't a ton of time in between to update a blog. But know that God has been faithful. He always is.
As I am back in America, I am taking some time to try to process everything that happened over the pass 5 weeks. Trying to see everything through the lens of the Holy One can be difficult at times. Even the things that have already happened. So, here I am, confused in America and longing for Asia.

Your prayers were highly appreciated as my team and I served in Asia; don't stop them.
We still have lives that are worth lifting up and need to be lived in reflection of the greatest glory.

love

i'm sorry i haven't posted lately. i love asia. i love hong kong. i love my team. i love elic. i know that's a lot of love, but God allows it.

blessings.

God has been so good to me. And he continues to pour out his blessings on me. I'm honestly not sure I could properly put into words the beauty of some of the tangible things he has blessed me with. . so here are a few of my favorite pictures from the pass few days. .

lunchtime.

friendship.

peace.

sweet love.

boys.

the beauty of a team.

joy

today was explosive.

With water balloons, water guns, buckets, water bottles and a hose, who knew Pui Ying Secondary School could have so much fun? My team had a massive water fight today with our students after our morning classes. William, the coordinator for the English camp at our school was just observing. For a while I thought he might have been frustrated by all action and extreme mess from all the water and balloon scraps. But he talked with Rachel, my team leader later and he was so glad we allowed the kids to just be kids. He said that they never get to do anything like that.
I feel like more than anything William was just taking in the extreme joy on the faces of the kids. It was probably overwhelming.

first day, quick rundown.

Oh man, am I tired!
Teaching can be intense, especially when its a foreign language and you don't know the students' native one. Today was our first real day of teaching. And let's just say, it was a little intense, but it gave me good vision for the future.
I'm excited about the relationships I will be able to build with my students! Although, there are a few troublesome ones. This one guy, Wilson, certainly has a difficult heart. I'm not sure what it will take to really get him to behave, but prayer is always helpful. :] My other students behaved pretty well, and several seemed a little interested about the reason I was at Pui Ying to teach them English. Please pray that I will take advantage of every opportunity that God sets in front of me to really get to know the hearts of my students so that He can be much more glorified in their lives.

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
1Peter 1:13

Massage in Hong Kong

Last night, about twelve of us were traveling down the streets of Hong Kong. Biscuet, the guy who connected me with ELIC, was traveling around town with my team when all of a sudden, we decided some of us should go get massages! Fun right? oh yeah, hilarious!

When we began our journey to the spa from the street below, we started walking up an enclosed set of stairs after we passed a locked gateway. The width of the stairs couldn't have been more than about four and a half feet and it seemed pretty sketchy. We all got to the door of the spa and passed around a few of the menus of all they offered at the spa. There were feet massages, full body massages, etc. Seemed pretty exciting for sure. Especially considering they were really cheap!

I'm not really into foot massages (because I would kick someone in the face), so I opted for a full body massage. Laura, Biscuet and Grace all decided to go for the forty minute foot massage. Derek had never had a real massage before so he decided that a full body massage was a good idea too. Everything was pretty normal until Derek and I were escorted to a room with two beds.

Thankfully there was a towel and a set of pajama like things sitting on each bed. We looked at one another and decided we should change. Thankfully there was this shower thing connected to the room, so I stepped into the shower to change and he changed outside of it. After careful warnings and communications, we realized it was safe and we were ready for the folks to start the massages. But. . . that didn't happen right away. We were sort of standing around, laughing at the whole experience when, there was a knock on the door.

One of the women that worked there came in and pointed to the shower. Apparently we were supposed to make more use of it than just using it as a changing facility. This wasn't just a shower that had a regular dark curtain or anything, it had a sliding, frosted glass door. Not exactly the most appropriate thing considering the circumstances, but we figured we should listen to the Asians. So Derek hopped in the shower and I sat on the floor facing the door going out into the hallway.

And all of a sudden, Biscuet walks in. He commented on how sweet the room was, with the two beds and the atmosphere, that was super close to the ELIC offices! He was excited to get to go there with his boss. But then he wondered where Derek was. Of course, I pointed to the shower and he started laughing! And truly it was hilarious. The whole circumstance was so so funny!

Finally, Derek finished showering and I proceeded to take a shower of my own. As I was drying off, the Asians started knocking on the door of the room. The masseuse had arrived and were ready to begin. Not knowing if I had a towel or not, the woman who ran the place insisted a towel be given to me. Derek was stuck with this job. Attempting to guard me and himself, he backed up toward the shower and asked if I had a towel, which, I did! But all the same, it was a little awkward.

Finally, I had the pajama things back on and could get the actual massage started. It was probably the most awkward and hilarious thing I've ever had happen in my life, and let's just say, Derek and I are really good friends now! And that if I plan on getting another massage I'll be going with one of my girl friends from the team!

But I guess when in Asia, do as the Asians do.

harbor interactions

i'm falling for this city. its beautiful. we've finally gotten back from the island of Cheung Chau and have moved into the heart of Hong Kong. Of course, there are so many people, but it has been a blast! My team continues to be knit tighter together and the love that we are able to pour out is absolutely beautiful!
Yesterday we were able to meet the officials of the school our team will be working with. They were such sweet people. I'm so excited about finally getting into the classroom and learning on a very intimate level (that's in contrast to riding the MTR with thousands of people, of course!). Derek and I will be talking about them on the Engage blog on a post coming up, so keep your eye out! http://engagehk.posterous.com/Yesterday my team journeyed to the Harbor where they have a light show displaying from the colorfully lit buildings. It was a blast for sure, but my favorite part was meeting Ronald. He's a Hong Kong native and has such a big heart. He was completely pleased to hear that we were all here to teach English and to spread love. He was so encouraging to my heart. To know that the people here want to continue to grow in community and spirit is so reassuring. When I mentioned that being here was the first time I had ever even been in an airplane, he was not only surprised but exclaimed 'oh, keep coming!' Being surrounded by darkness the small lights of hope provide such a beautiful encouragement to the body.

Training&Team

Ah, we have been in training pretty much all morning. But its been great! I adore my team and we were actually all able to snag a table together for lunch just a little while ago! Its been the first, since the dining area is a little packed. But its been great. Trust me, I am going to be a pro at using chopsticks whenever I get back to the States!
We all seem to be meshing so so well. I'm so excited about actually getting to the teaching part of this adventure. But, I love having an opportunity to stop and bond with all of the teachers that will be across Asia this summer. We're all learning so much. But, to be honest, I would be so overwhelmed if I wasn't an education major. Every one else is getting a lot thrown at them at one time though. I know its been pretty intense for some of the folks on my team. But I'm so positive that we've been placed together so that we can learn so much from one another. Its gonna be great!So we're on the Hong Kong island of Cheung Chau and it is absolutely beautiful. The scenery is nothing like I've ever seen in North America. Its incredible.
Please be thinking about my team as we all continue training and working together. Rachel, Laura, Lisa, Chisom, Derek, Lauren, Julia, Charlie, Emma and I are so excited about all that is going to be happening here!