change has come.

"The fair new petals must fall, and for no visible reason. No one seems enriched by the stripping.
And the first step into the realm of giving is a like surrender---not manward but Godward: an utter yielding of our best... The life lost on the Cross was not a sinful one---the treasure poured forth there was God-given, God-blessed treasure, lawful and right to be kept: only that there was the life of the world at stake."
Lilias Trotter

He gives all.
He asks all.

selfishness of the gospel.

my own selfishness of the Gospel was magnified today. the ability to have a conversation, much less a conversation centered around the Gospel, with a friend was eliminated. there's no going back at this point.
i thought a lot today about the last conversation i had with chance. actually, i thought about all the conversations i had with him. and i basically came to the conclusion that by [sin] nature, i am completely selfish with the Gospel.

my words are sometimes light, but most of the time, i just manage to get through life without mentioning the importance of the Lord, even in my own life. Geography classes and work shifts have been particularly easy to slide by when it comes to being intentional about the way that i carry myself and the Gospel.
I carry it like I know the elect. well, more like, i can choose the elect. i'll shine Light to those I think deserve it, not the ones that I think may be beyond the reach of the arms of Christ (the ones who most often need it most).

All will worship, so why not encourage the worship of Him now? why delay one's worship even further with my own stubborn and selfish -ness?

'He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the inheritance of the nations.'
Psalm 111:6

As the 268generation begins to assemble in Atlanta I only wish I could be there. I pray that the kingdom is ever furthered by the Spirit's work there.

rewashing.

strings wearing thin;
needing to be replaced.
may they be as my hands,
rewashed.
for another sin to be cleansed.

curing the skin;
being made brand new.
though it is not easy,
tightened.
for another chance is given.

sky

and i can't help but wonder
if you're glimpsing at the same star tonight.

more reality than i'd prefer.

10 seconds

oh autumn.
the way you smell.
the way you make me
feel.

i long for an extra
pair of arms.
of the knight variety.
though not quite
as cold
as the metal type.

embers burning
beside.
hearts burning
inside.

chinese lantern. in asia.

sons&daughters

'Will your grace run out
If I let you down
‘Cause all I know
Is how to run

‘Cause I am a sinner
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are the Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Will you call me child
When I tell you lies
Cause all I know
Is how to cry

I am a sinner
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are the Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

You make it beautiful
You make it beautiful'

brokenness aside

hands

'the water there is deeper than anything you've ever seen
jump right in and swim until you freeze

I will remember your face
'cause I am still in love with that place'

atlas hands
b.f. leftwich

you really gotta hold on me.

"i love you
and all i want
you to do
is just
hold me
hold me
hold me
hold me."
she&him

self. written a while back.

self loving

in a house of

mirrors

reflecting only

ourselves,

our wants,

our blood

self loathing

in a house of

mirrors

broken by

ourselves,

our bones,

leaking

our blood

baby brothers&sisters

maybe i should update about asia more often. its busy here. draw conclusions from there.

its hard to believe that our time in hong kong has so quickly come to an end. we have three more days with students at school and a little hang out time planned with some of them outside of such. things seemed to go by so much quicker this year. and i can't be sure why. and i have mixed feelings about it for sure.

sunday morning i realized just how much i enjoy and need time with very young children. we're talking ages 3 to 5 here. i just like hanging out with them. last week came with an opportunity to serve at Watermark Community Church in the children's classroom. oh how i loved it. their want to be independent enough to sit on their own, but finally admitting that they'd rather perch on my lap is my favorite. and they cuddle so well.

i miss my baby brother. i'm missing summers where he's cool enough to actually hang out with and not totally grate my nerves. i need that kid in my life. i look forward to him meeting me at the airport on august 9th.

be praying for our next flight. i'll be leading both my team and another and look forward to all that the vision trip has in store! oh, and since i mentioned children, i'd say that i'm quite looking forward to the trip to an orphanage while we are there. although, i may come back with a beyond broken heart for the children. .

but Jesus said,
'let the little children come to me,
and do not hinder them,
for the kingdom of heaven
belongs to such as these."'
Matthew 19:14

warm fuzzies

letters from home come in the form of email nowadays. letters from mainland come in the same. and i realize that they're my favorite.

i love emails. they're much more personal that a silly facebook message. so stay classy.

as far as the rest of hong kong goes. . . its such a mixed bag. which makes it real. moments are
fabulous and fulfilling.
others are dismal and depressing.
then back to delightful
and yet there's a
constant pressure and persistence
of the school officials
to move our program from and English camp to some kind of insane tutoring program. . . also not what we're about. That said, its been challenging. School days always leave room for the unexpected and with the constant adjustments my team and I are having to make, we would certainly welcome any available prayers!


Aside from such, things are going well. I get to see some of my students from last year tomorrow and that's certainly exciting!
Asia is as lovely as ever. I'm not sure what all the King has for me following this adventure, but I'm enjoying it now. and making the most of new and old relationships. pray for a balance. not of the relationships, but of my own time and the relationships. i'm learning just how much time I really do need for myself for processing, for growing, for my own heart and for the sake of others. I'm just no fun to be around if I haven't had time for Steph in a few days.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers,
be steadfast, immovable,
always abounding in the work of the Lord,
knowing that in the Lord
your labor is not in vain.”
-I Cor. 15:58

a quote for good measure

'we are debtors to every man to give him the gospel in the same measure in which we have received it."
-P.F. Bresee

more on Asia later.

an ELIC welcome!

ohhhhh man. Its good to be back in Asia. I won't lie, the journey was long and difficult. But I'm so glad I'm finally here. ELIC has the very best people! Fellow team leaders are amazing. ELIC staff is oh so great! and the folks that are assisting in training. . . da best!! So if you're coming, GET EXCITED! and if you're following what's going on in Asia, be sure to see the Camp blog too! http://campblog.elic.org/ features a lovely picture of myself and Megan Wynd soak and wet after an outrageous downpour on the way up the mountain for our training retreat sight. Speaking of Wynd, its been so good to be reunited with her. We're pretty much different body types of the same person. Its fantastic. I was warmly welcomed by her and this. . .'The Skip's' is my fave. It kinda makes Asia, Asia. Chocolate and peanut butter together like none other.

In our team leader free time we all usually sit around in the same room and communicate via internet connection. with laughs out loud all around. which is what we're doing now as i type this up. And on that note, its not even ten, but jet lag is kinda kicking in. .

asia. round 2.

Well, departure is here again. I'm waking up at 5:30am to get ready to board a flight back across the world. I'm returning to Hong Kong for five weeks of my summer and I've never had more mixed emotions in my life.
I'm anxious. I love Asia, I know I love Asia. But this is a summer when I could really see if Asia is it for me. If its more than just a place to invest a few summers while in college. To be completely honest, I don't know what to anticipate in the way of such things.
I'm inadequate. I'm honestly not sure I've ever felt more inadequate about anything in my life. And here I am, preparing to lead a team on the other side of the world while we work together in teaching English. Very little about that statement makes very much sense to me. Thankfully, I have been reminded of a verse in second Corinthians:

"That is why, for Christ’s sake,
I delight in weaknesses,
in insults, in hardships,
in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(12:10)

I'm excited. I'm going back to one of the most beautiful places I've ever laid my eyes on. I get to be reunited with some friends from last year. and I get to connect with hearts that are yearning so heavily for the Gospel. Asian culture is magnificent. Chopsticks, walking everywhere, dark hair, tonal language. ohhhh man. I'm excited.
and yet, my heart remains heavy. Be praying for restoration. Be praying for guidance. Be praying for strength. Thank you, my friends.

take flight, my dear.

the morning begins its song
it breaks the loudness
of my own shouting thoughts
i've been restless for hours

days
awaiting the moment
the world distracts
when day begins
and my brain can finally
rest
as the lark sings
he contemplates flight
i envy the thought ability
to spread his wings and
fly

'earmuffs'

'hello darkness, my old friend
i've come to talk with you again
because a vision softly creeping
left its seeds while i was sleeping
and the vision that was planted
in my brain, still remains
within the sound of silence.'
simon and garfunkel

Handle with Care

A word about my past: I used to be so careful. Not speaking. Not sharing. Not bold. Such could not be attributed to my character at all. I handled every situation with care and consideration.

A reminder to myself: My personality has changed. Experience forced extroverted-ness. I respond quickly. Sometimes too quickly now. Some situations require much more care than I give them.

A warning for others: I am broken. Well, now repaired, but very easy to be found in a dysfunctional state again. So to others, I warn, please do indeed handle my love and your's with gentleness.

A way I have been carried: I have been picked up by the only one that could. He has handled me with the most care one could ever know. I don't deserve this, for I have bitten the hand that feeds far too often.


Given the expectation to describe myself and my life in three words, these are the ones I chose.

perplexed.

Every religion is about how we can get closer to god. the exception is Christianity, in which God became closer to us. the perplexities of my God is absolutely astounding. for we can do and have done nothing to make ourselves closer to him, for he draws near to us.

good friday

'One choice
One tree
One fall for humanity
One lie
One liar
One bite is all death required
One great regret
One squandered chance, and yet
One hope
One day
One name above all other names
One bridge between then and now
One way to discover how
One price
One tree
One drop of crimson covers me'

Nichole Nordeman

day three.

eight ways to win your heart (in no particular order):

1. have a sense of style that's completely your own. and is easily a blend of a number of influences.
2. embrace me. i'm a little weird. and can apparently be a little overwhelming. but i honestly don't mean to be. at all. so, just embracing me is nice.
3. laugh.
4. love the Lord more than you love me or anything else in life.
5. enjoy physical touch; its my love language.
6. challenge me. especially spiritually.
7. talk with me. be willing to have chats. about any and everything concerning life.
8. honesty. all the time. about everything. only one person has ever fulfilled such fully in my life.

asia.

sometimes. a lot of times. most of the time. all the time. it doesn't seem practical.

overdue simplified reflections.

Its like what Tiffany I were talking about a few weeks ago. How do we bring that lifestyle, that constant outpouring of love into our lives daily? We’re to avoid, at all costs, the temptation of ‘getting high’. It, like anything else, seems attractive, but is a cheapening of how we’re supposed to live. It’s a challenge to live life in the perspective of constantly being full of gentleness and love. And somehow never exhausting those two things with the excursions of our own vices. In Asia I did find myself very exhausted at times. I slept quite a bit, in fact. I understood what it really meant to be so though. Being exhausted didn’t mean I had stayed up late hanging out with Derek, Emma, Charlie and Rachel, it meant I had found myself giving all I had to loving on those kids. Yes, when teaching was over, its shine from the day had worn off. It wasn’t romantic to play basketball for an extra thirty minutes with them (while wearing a skirt I might add). And I guess that’s the kind of thing that made it a reality for me, a practical place that I may eventually see life for myself. that each day before Raymond walked in, I had to very purposefully set my heart to loving those kids. Not that I ever found them unlovable, but that was the intention of my day⎯to love.

dry sponge.

i want to cry. i really do. but for once, nothing. no tears.
i can sort of feel the drops sitting behind my eyelids,
pushing themselves to the surface. but they don't come.
i'm not sure why.
but my face seems as dry as my spirit is.

i pray for restoration.
and i feel it coming.
not just because of my conditions.
but because i am seeking it.

day two.

Nine things about yourself.

1. my flesh gets incredibly itchy in the winter.
2. i find that more often than should, God finds himself squeezing the bit of Jesus in me out to serve, rather than finding myself pouring Him out.
3. i'm not as craftsy as i'd like to be. its mostly because of a lack of motivation. i've got good ideas, the execution is lacking.
4. one of the reasons that i started dying my hair and became a vegetarian are the same.
5. i'm much more of a germ freak that i let on. no really, if i get in my bed dirty with a new set of clean sheets i will do the same every night without a shower until i rewash the sheets. if i take a shower at night the first night, i will do the same until i feel the need to wash the sheets.
6. raspberry iced tea has become my latest constant craving.
7. i love a good talk about the Lord. quality time involving such is a favorite. unfortunately interest in quality time involving talking about individual lives has grown faint compared to my interest in talking specifically about the Lord. not that that's a bad thing, i just seem more uninterested than i once did. and that's unfortunate.
8. my favorite color is undoubtedly yellow.
9. i should be asleep. its 6am.

dreading.

i just realized one reason i don't want to grow old. eventually all the ones that are older than me will have already done so. and will be gone. which i celebrate, but will selfishly covet the comfort they bring. especially when they hold me. when they let me cry.

Up

Tonight I realized how often I forget the verse when Jesus proclaims that we are to

'take up our cross

daily

and follow him.'

in Luke 9:23. my problems aren't really a one time thing. Turning things over for God to control isn't a one time deal. for me, it has to happen every day. because if i don't, then i pick the struggle back up.

journaling

'I was very cautious about what I put in the journals. I don't think it was because I feared someone else would discover my secrets. I think I was afraid to articulate, even for myself, feelings I might have to get rid of. Better to stick with what God was saying to me that what my heart was saying. It seemed the safer course.' -Elisabeth Elliot


God is much more concerned with our holiness than He is our own happiness.

day one.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. i miss you. your optimism. your sarcasm. your encouragement. your need for words of affirmation. and how i knew exactly how to give that love to you. and in return, you knew how to love me.
2. i really wish you hadn't done that to me. i almost feel like i'm screwed up for life. i've had complete paranoia about relationships ever since we ended.
3. if you were fifteen years younger and i didn't have a boy in my life, i'd date you.
4. you make me self conscience. and that's stupid. because you're an immature version of me.
5. why did you mess them up? i'm forever seen as a parallel because of you. and i hate that. can i just be steph?
6. i'm sorry relationships are complicated.
7. i miss you in my life. sometimes i need you more than i realize. the days when i want to go cry. and to be held by you. because its the most consistent i've ever known.
8. you don't know everything. i don't either. but i don't try to either. .
9. you are incredibly patient. and incredibly loving. don't doubt yourself. and i'll try to do the same for you.
10. i miss you. i need your ninety-three year old eyes looking into mine and knowing everything about me. i wish i could see you on this side of heaven again.

3:30am.

'He reached down from on high and took
hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful
enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong
for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious
place;
he rescued me because he delighted
in me.'
Psalm 18:16-19

I went to bed early tonight. After some prayer and reaching for comfort. Feeling a slight bit of peace at 11:55pm.
Waking up at 3:20am, I found myself well rested. Not just physically&with energy. But with a newness. Feeling the need to praise, I flipped to the Psalms, and there, found even more strength. God is good!

mixer.

Often we find ourselves dividing our activities into two categories: secular and sacred. We treat them as two very different things and find ourselves needing to check off the sacred in attempt to become more holy and justify the secular. We don't mix the two, and the rare time we do in the South, we call it fellowship (and that usually involves food). But I can't say with confidence that this is what God meant when he told us to live lives according to His glory. As buildings of God we are commanded to:

"build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire and the fire will test the quality of each person's work." 1 Corinthians 3:10b-13

Now, that is not to say, we must work in attempt to find this foundation, for the foundation has indeed already been laid by Jesus Christ. But what are we building with? Are we building with lasting impressions of what God has already done in our hearts or are we cheating ourselves with surface level straw?

for the next. .

nine times i want to blog, but don't know what to say:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

jam.

'Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.' 1 Timothy 4:16

keep yourself accountable for these.

charm is deceitful

pools, falling down cheeks.

streams, surfacing to palms.

quakes, disturbing voices.

vines, choking kindness.

bitterness, controlling hearts.


lions, prowling for deceit.





'Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.'
1 Peter 5:8

wait.

'. . .no one as heard
no ear has perceived
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.'

isaiah 64:4

forever.

i've had a seemingly parallel trio in my life. three boys continue to circulate in my life and its probably one of the strangest things i've ever loved.

collin, andrew, kevin
taylor, jed, david
randy, andy, william

odd.

branches.

sometimes we get so far ahead of where we were we don't realize just how far we've come.

Where Did I See My God?

the team list. after two weeks.

-Emma, in dealing with meat even though she's usually a strict vegan.
-Charlie, in eagerly asking me how I am doing and how my day is.
-Lauren, in her humility in experience.
-Laura, in her offerings of patience.
-Rachel, in her beautiful words of encouragement.
-Michaela, in her kind and gentle spirit.
-Lisa, in her praising voice and energy.
-Derek, when he realizes his own needs, to focus on HK&team.
-Chisom, in her wisdom and beauty.

this is a simple list. and this is only after two weeks.

three weeks later the list was expansive and had completely blossomed, just as my love for each member had.


i type this in effort for it to stay true in my life. I need to do this daily.
After the first time I compiled such a list I was speaking with Derek. And I realized that I, nor most of us, spend very much time seeing God in each other. Far too often I look for God in His actions, his natural creation, but rarely do I find myself looking into the character of others to better realize the character of God. As a family in Christ, we are called to exist as such. We attempt to make ourselves more like Christ, but do we take the time to honestly count the ways Christ shows himself to us in the lives of others?

glory.

If you have been reading my blog in hopes of hearing about Hong Kong, I'm sorry about the lack of updates. When you spend your days lesson planning, laughing with team, exploring hk and loving on students, there really isn't a ton of time in between to update a blog. But know that God has been faithful. He always is.
As I am back in America, I am taking some time to try to process everything that happened over the pass 5 weeks. Trying to see everything through the lens of the Holy One can be difficult at times. Even the things that have already happened. So, here I am, confused in America and longing for Asia.

Your prayers were highly appreciated as my team and I served in Asia; don't stop them.
We still have lives that are worth lifting up and need to be lived in reflection of the greatest glory.

love

i'm sorry i haven't posted lately. i love asia. i love hong kong. i love my team. i love elic. i know that's a lot of love, but God allows it.

blessings.

God has been so good to me. And he continues to pour out his blessings on me. I'm honestly not sure I could properly put into words the beauty of some of the tangible things he has blessed me with. . so here are a few of my favorite pictures from the pass few days. .

lunchtime.

friendship.

peace.

sweet love.

boys.

the beauty of a team.

joy

today was explosive.

With water balloons, water guns, buckets, water bottles and a hose, who knew Pui Ying Secondary School could have so much fun? My team had a massive water fight today with our students after our morning classes. William, the coordinator for the English camp at our school was just observing. For a while I thought he might have been frustrated by all action and extreme mess from all the water and balloon scraps. But he talked with Rachel, my team leader later and he was so glad we allowed the kids to just be kids. He said that they never get to do anything like that.
I feel like more than anything William was just taking in the extreme joy on the faces of the kids. It was probably overwhelming.

first day, quick rundown.

Oh man, am I tired!
Teaching can be intense, especially when its a foreign language and you don't know the students' native one. Today was our first real day of teaching. And let's just say, it was a little intense, but it gave me good vision for the future.
I'm excited about the relationships I will be able to build with my students! Although, there are a few troublesome ones. This one guy, Wilson, certainly has a difficult heart. I'm not sure what it will take to really get him to behave, but prayer is always helpful. :] My other students behaved pretty well, and several seemed a little interested about the reason I was at Pui Ying to teach them English. Please pray that I will take advantage of every opportunity that God sets in front of me to really get to know the hearts of my students so that He can be much more glorified in their lives.

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
1Peter 1:13

Massage in Hong Kong

Last night, about twelve of us were traveling down the streets of Hong Kong. Biscuet, the guy who connected me with ELIC, was traveling around town with my team when all of a sudden, we decided some of us should go get massages! Fun right? oh yeah, hilarious!

When we began our journey to the spa from the street below, we started walking up an enclosed set of stairs after we passed a locked gateway. The width of the stairs couldn't have been more than about four and a half feet and it seemed pretty sketchy. We all got to the door of the spa and passed around a few of the menus of all they offered at the spa. There were feet massages, full body massages, etc. Seemed pretty exciting for sure. Especially considering they were really cheap!

I'm not really into foot massages (because I would kick someone in the face), so I opted for a full body massage. Laura, Biscuet and Grace all decided to go for the forty minute foot massage. Derek had never had a real massage before so he decided that a full body massage was a good idea too. Everything was pretty normal until Derek and I were escorted to a room with two beds.

Thankfully there was a towel and a set of pajama like things sitting on each bed. We looked at one another and decided we should change. Thankfully there was this shower thing connected to the room, so I stepped into the shower to change and he changed outside of it. After careful warnings and communications, we realized it was safe and we were ready for the folks to start the massages. But. . . that didn't happen right away. We were sort of standing around, laughing at the whole experience when, there was a knock on the door.

One of the women that worked there came in and pointed to the shower. Apparently we were supposed to make more use of it than just using it as a changing facility. This wasn't just a shower that had a regular dark curtain or anything, it had a sliding, frosted glass door. Not exactly the most appropriate thing considering the circumstances, but we figured we should listen to the Asians. So Derek hopped in the shower and I sat on the floor facing the door going out into the hallway.

And all of a sudden, Biscuet walks in. He commented on how sweet the room was, with the two beds and the atmosphere, that was super close to the ELIC offices! He was excited to get to go there with his boss. But then he wondered where Derek was. Of course, I pointed to the shower and he started laughing! And truly it was hilarious. The whole circumstance was so so funny!

Finally, Derek finished showering and I proceeded to take a shower of my own. As I was drying off, the Asians started knocking on the door of the room. The masseuse had arrived and were ready to begin. Not knowing if I had a towel or not, the woman who ran the place insisted a towel be given to me. Derek was stuck with this job. Attempting to guard me and himself, he backed up toward the shower and asked if I had a towel, which, I did! But all the same, it was a little awkward.

Finally, I had the pajama things back on and could get the actual massage started. It was probably the most awkward and hilarious thing I've ever had happen in my life, and let's just say, Derek and I are really good friends now! And that if I plan on getting another massage I'll be going with one of my girl friends from the team!

But I guess when in Asia, do as the Asians do.

harbor interactions

i'm falling for this city. its beautiful. we've finally gotten back from the island of Cheung Chau and have moved into the heart of Hong Kong. Of course, there are so many people, but it has been a blast! My team continues to be knit tighter together and the love that we are able to pour out is absolutely beautiful!
Yesterday we were able to meet the officials of the school our team will be working with. They were such sweet people. I'm so excited about finally getting into the classroom and learning on a very intimate level (that's in contrast to riding the MTR with thousands of people, of course!). Derek and I will be talking about them on the Engage blog on a post coming up, so keep your eye out! http://engagehk.posterous.com/Yesterday my team journeyed to the Harbor where they have a light show displaying from the colorfully lit buildings. It was a blast for sure, but my favorite part was meeting Ronald. He's a Hong Kong native and has such a big heart. He was completely pleased to hear that we were all here to teach English and to spread love. He was so encouraging to my heart. To know that the people here want to continue to grow in community and spirit is so reassuring. When I mentioned that being here was the first time I had ever even been in an airplane, he was not only surprised but exclaimed 'oh, keep coming!' Being surrounded by darkness the small lights of hope provide such a beautiful encouragement to the body.

Training&Team

Ah, we have been in training pretty much all morning. But its been great! I adore my team and we were actually all able to snag a table together for lunch just a little while ago! Its been the first, since the dining area is a little packed. But its been great. Trust me, I am going to be a pro at using chopsticks whenever I get back to the States!
We all seem to be meshing so so well. I'm so excited about actually getting to the teaching part of this adventure. But, I love having an opportunity to stop and bond with all of the teachers that will be across Asia this summer. We're all learning so much. But, to be honest, I would be so overwhelmed if I wasn't an education major. Every one else is getting a lot thrown at them at one time though. I know its been pretty intense for some of the folks on my team. But I'm so positive that we've been placed together so that we can learn so much from one another. Its gonna be great!So we're on the Hong Kong island of Cheung Chau and it is absolutely beautiful. The scenery is nothing like I've ever seen in North America. Its incredible.
Please be thinking about my team as we all continue training and working together. Rachel, Laura, Lisa, Chisom, Derek, Lauren, Julia, Charlie, Emma and I are so excited about all that is going to be happening here!

First Flight, etc.

Hello friends! I’m sitting on flight 879 on my way to Hong Kong, and let me tell you, this is one long flight! Seriously, I feel like I’ve been flying all day long. . oh wait, I HAVE! When I got off in San Francisco I overheard someone ask what time it was and the response was 11:30. By that point in my day, I had gone through about four 11:30s! And then of course, I could finally begin my international flight!

It has been so great to finally meet so many of the faces that I’ve only seen through profile pictures on Facebook. Oh, and they are all such sweet people! Laura and Kyle are my flying family and have been such great fun on the journey! Especially since Kyle is from Canada! Talk about fun to listen to talk! We’ve been able to take restroom breaks together, as whenever I have to get up, we all do because I’m in the window seat. And enjoyed a tasty airplane food meal together! Yum! No seriously, it wasn’t too terrible!

But anyway, I just wanted to update from the plane and send a few things to be praying for.

First off, several of our team members were not able to join us on our flight. This is pretty upsetting since they couldn’t travel with the group and be reassured with ELIC folks’ company, so pray for their reassurance.

Secondly, I have been getting random surges of inadequacy. I know God has prepared me for this journey or I wouldn’t even be on this plane, but the whole not speaking a word of hardly any foreign language will get to me every now and again.

Although, I will say, God has certainly done something right with our team! The planning is great. I have some great feelings about us all meshing together. In fact, I’m a really big fan of Laura. She’s cracking me up right now!

blinking

i never saw this coming. this whole, traveling across the earth thing. seriously, its exactly twelve time zones over.

this is big stuff. this is life changing stuff. but then again, all our lives can be. Its about what we make them. Do we make our everyday lives life changing stuff? we could. we really could. and not just our own lives. more importantly, those around us.

wonderful, merciful savior

knowing that you'll only be at camp for less than two weeks is sort of like stabbing yourself in the heart. i love ambassador camp so very much. the community is like no other on the planet. there is no way to explain it, so i won't attempt trying to.
but it has been some of the most difficult times of being at camp. knowing that i'll only be here to be a counselor for one week is heartbreaking. i feel like i'm teasing myself.


please be praying that the week that i plan on spending packing and really preparing everything for my journey to China won't be more difficult than i already anticipate because of my longing to spend more time at camp. i know my King has some amazing stuff in store for me while i am in Asia, and i absolutely cannot wait to get started! but its going to be difficult. my heart does indeed belong to this camp. i try not to spend too much time thinking about camp outside of it because camp often tends to making reality pale in comparison to everything about this place.


but God is good. He makes this place what it is.


He is the counselor. comforter. keeper.

Brand New Day

Reflections of a Caste System

My friend Tia is in India right now serving her Father faithfully and spreading His word. I got to speak to her a few mornings ago while she was relaxing and updating her own blog about her journey. She mentioned the beauty of the country and its villages. Tia has the blessing of working with a people group that have never even seen Americans, much less heard the word of eternal Hope. As we were talking she mentioned how terrible the Indian caste system is. It is often divided by the wealth of the household one is born into. The poor and wealthy live by each other without a look from the other. Although people from each of these groups live lives that cause them to collide with one another each day. Side by side they conduct their lives casting judgement and creating differences between all of them because of the oppressive system.

Most of us live in caste systems of our own. Each day we run into others that are poorer or richer than us. But not in the monetary sense of the word; in the spiritual. We create boundries between people we know that are suffering because of their lack of Hope and our own lives. Its as if we're concerned that we're going to catch some sort of 'disbelief disease' if we spend too much time conducting our lives with them in mind. But we're commanded to. I am reminded of the Great Commission and 'to go and make disciples of all nations' in Matthew 28. Too often we read all nations and we think of those that are not our own. But what about it? What about this nation? What about the cites and towns that we find ourselves in right now that have caste systems that too greatly parallel that of India?
Why can't the richness that we have found for our own lives not be overflowed to those that lack it? How can we cast judgements on those who live a lifestyle of sin, when we offer them no hope to step out of it? Do we live our lives in attempt to break down the spiritual caste system that we universally live in?

All this to say, remember that the souls without Christ across the world are just and hungry as those in this nation. Let us not live our lives in the a caste system that restricts the Spirit from fulfilling His work in us. I ask that you join me in praying particularly for the nation of India today. For the Lord can indeed break the barriers that exists spiritually and physically in that country. And do the same for your own country. The God that we serve can destroy the caste system we find ourselves functioning under.

Christmas Mornin' Feelin'?

I'm not sleeping properly. I'm not really okay with it, but this time, at least I have a semi-decent reason for it.
My fourteen year old brother is leaving for Puerto Rico tomorrow, or rather, later today. And he's going that way for a mission trip! Its truly exciting to see him growing in Christ and yearning to serve his King. Earlier he came downstairs because he couldn't sleep. He's as excited as I am for him! But he made the statement that its practically like Christmas.
I found a flaw in his statement. It is the complete opposite of Christmas. The night before Christmas is about waiting for all the things you're going to get in the morning. The toys, games and clothes that will all fade away. But not being able to sleep because of this excitement is different.
This excitement is when selfishness transforms into selflessness. Yes, my brother will indeed be rewarded through obedience, but its not about him. This traveling adventure isn't about what he can get out of it. Its about being completely outside of yourself and existing for something greater. something eternal.

i want to see us yearn for the excitement of the transformation from selfishness. and not just have this kind of excitement for other, but also ourselves. do we find ourselves being willing to personally be selfless, or is it easier to watch everyone else manage it?

addiction

knitting is addicting. no seriously, my fingers are killing me but I can't make myself stop.

3/19/10

i'm not sure
how hard we'll fall
before we reach the top
of the wayward
willow tree.
that stands

alone.

surrounded by
foreign types.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
for the rain to
hold her
down.

though i never have the chance.

i was never much of a writer. . but a reader, now i've got that one covered.



i'm more passionate than i realized. now cultivation must continue without doubt.

forgiveness.

'Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love,
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin,

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me,
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evin in your sight,
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.'


Psalm 51:1-4

right now

'this is for the girl next door
who thinks she knows me
she adore the way my words
feel just like home
but she don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.

this is for the boy next door
who thinks he loves me
he adores the voice that soars
into his heart
but he don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.

Where do you lie down?
And can I lie too,
Oh just for a moment,
But then I gotta go.'
-Ingrid Michaelson

he trys to find a cure for the pain

'so blood is fire pulsing through our veins
we're either riders or fools behind the reins.
i've spent ten years, trying to sing it all away
but the water keeps on falling from my tries
and heaven knows, heaven knows
i try to find a cure for the pain
oh my Lord, to suffer like you do,
it would be a lie to run away
a lie to run
it would be a lie
it would be a lie to run away'
-jon forman

CHINA!

For the pass four summers I have spent six weeks of my summers as a camp counselor at Ambassador Camp on Lake Waccamaw, North Carolina. I've known since early last semester that God was calling me to do something different with my summer this year. This was hard to accept, especially when the ninety-three year old woman, Aunt Sara, who founded and has run camp for the pass fifty four years died in the same semester. My desire was to stay where I was comfortable and where I knew I was needed. But I know God can run camp without me. So I kept searching for where He would be using me.
I am on the leadership team for the Baptist Collegiate Ministries on the Francis Marion University campus. BCM has a lot of summer mission opportunities during so I started the application for some of the trips. Still, nothing felt quite right (and let's note: there are no currently planned trips to China this summer!). I knew God was teaching me to wait on him.
Four friends and I were journeying to Passion2010 and I was REALLY hoping for some sort of revelation about where God might have me this summer. It came in a way I never expected. On the third evening of Passion, Louie Giglio kicked the main session off with a video about China. I honestly cannot tell you much of what was said in that video. There weren't any super convicting facts about the godlessness in China that would make one want to get involved with China, but I knew I had to make my way there. Chinese college students were all that I could think about. After the video, the girl that shared her testimony in the video was actually introduced by Louie and then prayed for everyone at Passion. When Sam started praying for us in Chinese it blew my mind!
After the main session, community groups were held. I was actually a little nervous about meeting in my family group. I knew we would be talking about what John Piper had just spoken about, but I had no clue what he said because my mind was on China the ENTIRE time. I had no idea how in the world I was supposed to get there, but Chinese college students were all that mattered. When my family group started talking about what Piper had spoken on I was clueless. Before we got too far into discussion, Clay, my community group's leader touched my back and asked if he could sit with us for a few minutes while we discussed what John had spoken about. The circle was just getting around to my understanding when I looked at Clay and explained that I did not have a clue what he had spoken about. And that I had been thinking about China the entire time. He looked at me and said, that it was rather funny that I had be given such an interest for China and that I should certainly talk with 'Biscuet', who lives in China. Of course at that moment I did not have a clue who in the world Biscuet was. But after community groups I was connected with him and began asking him about his passion for China
Biscuet actually teaches English in Hong Kong and works with an organization that has folks like him teaching English across East Asia. He's been with the English Language Institue/China for two years working as an English teacher.
Then he began talking about Engage. This program invites anyone to come and spend four weeks in mainland China, working with students and getting to know them right where they are and sharing Christ's love with them. Then, the fifth week is spent in Vietnam, Lous, Mongolia, Cambodia or mainland China doing the same thing there. I knew that out of the whole line up of these events I had to go! And this was exactly where God wanted me this summer.
China?! of all places! I've never considered China in my life! But I am so sure that there is where he will have me this summer!
Please be praying for China. Be praying for my journey there. And pray for the hearts of the people I and the team I will be working with will be interacting with this summer. I cannot wait and God has so much in store!

after a much needed phone chat.

'For the Lord's sake, yield to the people who have authority in this world: the king, who is the highest authority, and the leaders who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to praise those who do right. It is God's desire that by doing good you should stop foolish people from saying stupid things about you. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. Live as servants of God. Show respect for all people: Love the brothers and sisters of God's family, respect God, honor the king.'
1 Peter 2:13-17

i am not a robot.

they're gone. diminished. completely conquered. this victory is a strange feeling. its almost like its not a victory. and now that i'm thinking that, its not, not for my flesh anyway. and here comes the separation again. i want to feed my flesh, but this victory is so much better. God is good.

completion.

God is good.

We cannot question His perfect timing or ways. He is good.

Lately I've had several 'testimony swaps' with some great new/old friends of mine. And in the case that one does not follow me on twitter or have befriended me on facebook, God is teaching me so much about community. It is so important to build good relationships with people that are actively pursuing God and to talk about it! God built us for relationships to not only encourage, but to learn from one another. If I can manage to be taught through the hardship of another rather then having to endure it myself, why not take advantage of the story that God has given someone else?
In my case testimony swaps are rather spontaneous things. And they have a way of making us all think about our lives and consider what God is teaching us so much more than we do when we are thinking about things on our own. With being as verbal as I am, I often say things when telling my story that I did not even realize about myself or about God's character. He is so good about revealing himself in His own mysterious timing and way.

Lately I've felt a serious separation. an absolutely painful one. like the reconstruction pains. The closer that God draws me near to Him the farther my sin feels away from who I am. My King is molding me into a being so like Him that I can literally feel the separation that sin causes from His wholeness. That separation is painful. It tears from the inside. I am the problem. Its a strange thing, to be disgusted with yourself and with sin. But its such a right thing, if we allow God to be in control of redeeming our lives into something so much better than what we think we could make for ourselves.

He is good. And I'm so thankful for everything he is doing in my life.

authoring.

excellent. i think i'll write children's books one day.

because i love story time with community and tales about my superhero detective friends, Tim and Lacie.

we know not why.

'I find I must borrow yet another parable from George MacDonald. Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right a stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage; but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.' -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The process of this remodeling isn't pretty. Pulling the old rotting foundation that we have built the house that we are on is not anything close to beautiful. It hurts. This is happening now. I do not have a clue what He is up to. But I wonder.
I want to fast forward through this process of knocking out walls and adding new things, but I cannot skip steps. This house would not be quite as stable if I was to hurry or skip things. And sometimes projects are left unfinished, but they will be completed when God is ready. Nothing is mine to direct.
But apparently I do have work to do inside of it. Do I have a choice?

This pile of words represents the confusion that I am in right now. Not only is the foundation moving, but the whole house is being relocated to a different destination. And I don't know where that is. .

honest dreams.

if i could do anything in the entire world, i would play bass in an indie band and hit up waffle house after shows. then sugar up on coffee and stay up until morn talking about important things in life, like politics and music, with the most quality of folks. ; )

that sort of always been a secret dream of mine. i'm not so sure why it was secret.

shaking

your general complexities leave me trembling.

the difference.

'Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed---not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence---continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.' Philippians 2: 12-16a

That's the issue, you don't hold firmly to the word of life. We hold on to the death that this life presents. We hold on so tightly that we cannot even glimpse at His word of life. We're far too busy looking at ourselves and how to satisfy others, when God is the one we need to both look to and attempt to satisfy.

God's Word

God's word is so good and full of both knowledge and truth that I continue to read the same books and passages over and over because of it. I cannot get enough of the love He shows just through giving me once verse of scripture that I get lost in awe of the glory He displays through it. I reread these words because He is so alive and his words so active.

'All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that all God's people may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.' -2 Timothy 3:16-17

nose.

i have a few favorite smells. Cheraw in the fall and the hair dye that i use are two of them. they are absolutely fantastic!

fiction

i've never had that feeling of true numbness until today. its probably the most unwanted feeling i've ever felt. i always thought it was fictional. . .

Sin and the Fact That We Can Do Nothing About It.

We can not, will not, and have absolutely no hopes of changing anyone's way of thinking until we show them Jesus. There are no hopes in trying to tell one to stop acting upon their gay feelings, to stop stealing from their parents, to stop cheating on their husband and wives, to stop lying to themselves until we show them Jesus. There is no reasoning with someone who doesn't agree with or has any reason to be moral. Too many people think of themselves as being completely alone. They're not. I fight hard enough to go against my sinful nature because I have an eternal reason to do so. Until we give those who do wrong the real reason to do so, we can expect no more of them than sin itself.

its mail time!

its camp time! which should mean mail time! i'll be at ambassador camp for the next six weeks and mail is always fun! so feel free to send me something delightful at:

Stephanie Moore
c/o Ambassador Camp
PO Box 200
Lake Waccamaw, NC 28450

And if you're too lazy to send an envelope please at least be praying for our team of staffers that will be working on Lake Waccamaw this summer!

guitar players.

so i recently discovered that i am not in any way attracted to guys that play guitar. i mean, that's cool and all, but it doesn't make a guy hot. now piano, that's a different story.

open your head!

The older I get the more annoyed I am by closed mindedness. That's not to say that I'm a tolerant fool that thinks everyone should get what they want. A huge annoyance grows in me when I read or hear close minded statements. That's not to say that one is not free to express every bit of their opinion, but keep in mind that the more you express, the more room you make for mine! I've been most aggravated by statements with clear prejudices and very little reasoning behind them. Let's not decrease our own intelligence by insulting another's.
I try my very best to keep an open mind, despite my strong political, religious and moral beliefs. We must realize not everyone is going to agree with us, and many people that don't, probably have a pretty good reason for thinking different. I think my roommate put it best when she declared that "you don't ignore your basic values...but you are compassionate and understanding. . . " This should continue. Not only for me, but for those that expect to be respected and have conversations with those who don't agree, in attempt to sharpen themselves.

hardcore.

i wonder why the heck i stay up like i do? what a dummy. i don't have time to make up for lost sleep until camp.

controversial brownies

not really

So brownies are my absolute favorite treats. And these are the best I've ever had-->

being controversial is my favorite. I'm not sure why I'm convinced that its the greatest, but I tried to convince an eighth grade friend of mine that a speech he had to make should have been controversial. not because he cares about anything controversial, but just because it would have made the most impact.

i get stranger everyday.

point.

why in the world are you going to question me going to a church that is an hour away? if i'm happy and that is where i am most fulfilled why would i consider anywhere else?

arrow

the night that rebecca lindsay and i laid together on ceaira's bed discussing what Christ had done for her is a simply beautiful one. and coming into the lodge with ceaira's face joyful, dispite the fact that rebecca had to talk to me makes me happy. with my arm around her, it took every bit of me not to just lay there and cry in gladness.

5 Simple Rules for Living with Brooke Rogers

1)Tell Brooke what you want done or if something needs to be done. This includes taking out the trash, changing the television channel, or playing a game.
2)Don't talk to Brooke when she gets quiet. She knows you care, but asking her about it is not going to make her talk or open up.
3)Unless you are a libertarian or Calvinist, and have an open mind about having more than surface level discussions about such, do not talk to Brooke about politics or religion.
4)Do not insult nerdy things without anticipating a defensive Brooke. She is a nerd and enjoys things like comics, cartoons, and film.
5)Do not expect Brooke to be more than sarcastic in a majority of conversations.

Lloyd

who the heck came up with the spelling of the name Lloyd? I have to stutter to say it correctly. that's dumb.

faithfulness

he is consistently so good to me.

sleep

i'm a fan of how beautiful you are.

and i hope its okay with you that i'm going to be the crazy cat lady when i grow up.

<3

He has all the love I'll ever need. I just have to throw my hands up in the air. I can't control this any more. Lord, just save me from being confused!

beach vs. mountains

i really like grass.

Baltimore.

"You're the God of this city,
You're the King of these people,
You're the Lord of this nation,
you are.

you're the light in the darkness
you're the hope to the hopeless
you're the peace to the restless
you are.

there is no one like our God.
there is no one like our God.

for greater things have yet to come,
and greater things are still to be done in this city.
greater things have yet to come
greater things are still to be done in this city."

Oh how my heart is still there. There is so much to be done in that city. The labor of our team is not close to complete. I do pray that God continues to be proclaimed in every area of that city.

fox news,

'talk is cheap, but lies are even cheaper. . '
-the morning benders.

The Princess and the Frog

Apparently it's a huge deal that there has never been an African American princess produced from the Disney company. Some articles has even claimed that Disney has never even had an American princess. That's obviously wrong. Has no one ever seen Pocahontas? Talk about American! Although, very few even consider her a princess. Be real, she was the chief's daughter and she was epic. I'm not gonna lie. Pocahontas my absolute favorite princess when I was growing up (and its a pretty beautiful film as far as animation goes). But above all else she was an actual princess. Some 'princesses' can't even say that.
How has Disney gone so long without someone noticing the missing race from all the Disney Princess products that have become immensely popular over the past few years? Everything from Barbie dolls to cupcake liners have been produced with a Disney Princess theme! I guess no one ever made a fuss about there not being an African America. But I mean really, there was a mermaid, but not a black girl!
Of course an outrageous number of blogs and other opinion sites have claimed that Barack Obama is the cause of the domino effect of racial identity across the cultural spectrum. Let's not give him all the credit. I mean, props on being the first non-white president, but seriously? Can't anyone breakthrough racial boundries without praising him for starting it all? Anyway, the new princess' animated film will be set in Cajun Louisiana during the Jazz Age. Talk about an interesting cultural opportunity. Let's hope she becomes a classic even if its only because of her color (although hopefully she will do something epic). But anything is better than sleeping. I'm all for knocking out some of the current 'princesses' so that this new girl can take her spot. What the heck is Sleeping Beauty doing considered one anyway?
All this to say, I am looking forward to this movie in attempt to see how the company has reflected the culture of the time, but more importantly to feel like a little girl again in watching a new princess movie.

we are nothing.

"Who can speak and have it happen
if the Lord has not decreed it?
It is not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?
Why should the living complain
when punished for their sins?"
Lamentations 3:37-39

cling to the Lord and his promises!
he is the only one worth trusting.

music

"good morning,

Baltimore!"

I'm actually going to Baltimore during spring break! It is going to be an absolutely awesome mission trip. There is a small group from the Francis Marion BCM going and we will be working with two churches and a group from Winthrop while we are there. Please pray for our hearts, physical preparation, and our journeys to a spiritually desolate place.

The Lord is ever so gentle with me. He is so gracious. I'm not sure why he is, but am I ever so thankful for such a beautiful grace. way to astound me once again!

issues.

pastels

why have i never realized just how much i truly love art?

i need Him.

'my heart is restless in me
my wings are all worn out
i am walking through the wilderness
and i cannot get out
i need you, oh, i need you
blessed Savior come
i need you, oh, i need you
fill the every longing of my soul!

oh, how i need you, Lord!
i need your perfect word
with tearful eyes i see
the sin that i afford.
i need to weep and pray
for all the thousand ways
that i have failed you just today. .

my bed is soaked with sadness
my sadness has no end
a downward spiral of despair
that i keep falling in
i need you, oh, i need you
to you my soul shall fly
i need you, oh, i need you
Yaweh, how i love you more than life

oh how i need you Lord,
i need your perfect word
with tearful eyes i see
the sin that i afford.
i need to weep and pray
for all the thousand ways
that i have failed you just today. .'

the swift

what's next?

'All women are stupid and all men are bastards'

We should attempt to free ourselves from such stereotypes.

A feminist should celebrate who they are created to be, not with their body, but with their hearts.

history.

who did what in history is stupid.
learning cause and effects are good stuff.
just saying.

crash, burn and compassion

We don't know any stories but our own, and of that we only know the past. We cannot judge or act without the thought that the people we interact with are going through things that are just as complicated as (if not more than) our own circumstances. We cannot imagine the rings that emit from one irresponsible and unconcerned action, particularly racists ones. I've heard it said that there is unequal opportunity between groups that do not allow for adequate lifestyle achievement. But if you get down to the core of unevenness among individuals its not a matter of opportunities, but rather a matter of laziness. If we declare that someone of another stereotypical group is not progressive, we are ourselves are in such a hole. By not attempting to understand others we become the people we despise.
I feel as though each of the stronger points that I have been making lately are a reminder of compassion. And there is no promise in compassion that it will be shown back. But we must continue to show it. Generally as human beings, and specifically as Christians with higher purpose. People are all different and to even begin to think that one or a group is more superior in the eyes of the world is completely ludicrous.
Speaking of 'Ludacris' he, along with a large array of cast members, do a pretty terrific job making this point clear through the movie Crash. Pointing out how our lives as humans are so completely intertwined, this film allows a vision into understanding one another and pointing out the flaws of each of our lives that actually make us more similar than many of us want to believe.

laughter

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about. And that was the beginning of faeries." Finding Neverland

and thankfully it was the beginning of laughs. how i do miss the imagination of children, so much that i some times cry. Such innocent laughing is so important. about as important as their imagination.

coconut

"you are
an easy girl
to love
an easy girl
to kiss
an easy girl
to miss
when you're gone
i say girl
you say yeah
i love you
easy girl
please say
i do"
coconut
records