overdue simplified reflections.

Its like what Tiffany I were talking about a few weeks ago. How do we bring that lifestyle, that constant outpouring of love into our lives daily? We’re to avoid, at all costs, the temptation of ‘getting high’. It, like anything else, seems attractive, but is a cheapening of how we’re supposed to live. It’s a challenge to live life in the perspective of constantly being full of gentleness and love. And somehow never exhausting those two things with the excursions of our own vices. In Asia I did find myself very exhausted at times. I slept quite a bit, in fact. I understood what it really meant to be so though. Being exhausted didn’t mean I had stayed up late hanging out with Derek, Emma, Charlie and Rachel, it meant I had found myself giving all I had to loving on those kids. Yes, when teaching was over, its shine from the day had worn off. It wasn’t romantic to play basketball for an extra thirty minutes with them (while wearing a skirt I might add). And I guess that’s the kind of thing that made it a reality for me, a practical place that I may eventually see life for myself. that each day before Raymond walked in, I had to very purposefully set my heart to loving those kids. Not that I ever found them unlovable, but that was the intention of my day⎯to love.

dry sponge.

i want to cry. i really do. but for once, nothing. no tears.
i can sort of feel the drops sitting behind my eyelids,
pushing themselves to the surface. but they don't come.
i'm not sure why.
but my face seems as dry as my spirit is.

i pray for restoration.
and i feel it coming.
not just because of my conditions.
but because i am seeking it.

day two.

Nine things about yourself.

1. my flesh gets incredibly itchy in the winter.
2. i find that more often than should, God finds himself squeezing the bit of Jesus in me out to serve, rather than finding myself pouring Him out.
3. i'm not as craftsy as i'd like to be. its mostly because of a lack of motivation. i've got good ideas, the execution is lacking.
4. one of the reasons that i started dying my hair and became a vegetarian are the same.
5. i'm much more of a germ freak that i let on. no really, if i get in my bed dirty with a new set of clean sheets i will do the same every night without a shower until i rewash the sheets. if i take a shower at night the first night, i will do the same until i feel the need to wash the sheets.
6. raspberry iced tea has become my latest constant craving.
7. i love a good talk about the Lord. quality time involving such is a favorite. unfortunately interest in quality time involving talking about individual lives has grown faint compared to my interest in talking specifically about the Lord. not that that's a bad thing, i just seem more uninterested than i once did. and that's unfortunate.
8. my favorite color is undoubtedly yellow.
9. i should be asleep. its 6am.

dreading.

i just realized one reason i don't want to grow old. eventually all the ones that are older than me will have already done so. and will be gone. which i celebrate, but will selfishly covet the comfort they bring. especially when they hold me. when they let me cry.