overdue simplified reflections.

Its like what Tiffany I were talking about a few weeks ago. How do we bring that lifestyle, that constant outpouring of love into our lives daily? We’re to avoid, at all costs, the temptation of ‘getting high’. It, like anything else, seems attractive, but is a cheapening of how we’re supposed to live. It’s a challenge to live life in the perspective of constantly being full of gentleness and love. And somehow never exhausting those two things with the excursions of our own vices. In Asia I did find myself very exhausted at times. I slept quite a bit, in fact. I understood what it really meant to be so though. Being exhausted didn’t mean I had stayed up late hanging out with Derek, Emma, Charlie and Rachel, it meant I had found myself giving all I had to loving on those kids. Yes, when teaching was over, its shine from the day had worn off. It wasn’t romantic to play basketball for an extra thirty minutes with them (while wearing a skirt I might add). And I guess that’s the kind of thing that made it a reality for me, a practical place that I may eventually see life for myself. that each day before Raymond walked in, I had to very purposefully set my heart to loving those kids. Not that I ever found them unlovable, but that was the intention of my day⎯to love.

dry sponge.

i want to cry. i really do. but for once, nothing. no tears.
i can sort of feel the drops sitting behind my eyelids,
pushing themselves to the surface. but they don't come.
i'm not sure why.
but my face seems as dry as my spirit is.

i pray for restoration.
and i feel it coming.
not just because of my conditions.
but because i am seeking it.

day two.

Nine things about yourself.

1. my flesh gets incredibly itchy in the winter.
2. i find that more often than should, God finds himself squeezing the bit of Jesus in me out to serve, rather than finding myself pouring Him out.
3. i'm not as craftsy as i'd like to be. its mostly because of a lack of motivation. i've got good ideas, the execution is lacking.
4. one of the reasons that i started dying my hair and became a vegetarian are the same.
5. i'm much more of a germ freak that i let on. no really, if i get in my bed dirty with a new set of clean sheets i will do the same every night without a shower until i rewash the sheets. if i take a shower at night the first night, i will do the same until i feel the need to wash the sheets.
6. raspberry iced tea has become my latest constant craving.
7. i love a good talk about the Lord. quality time involving such is a favorite. unfortunately interest in quality time involving talking about individual lives has grown faint compared to my interest in talking specifically about the Lord. not that that's a bad thing, i just seem more uninterested than i once did. and that's unfortunate.
8. my favorite color is undoubtedly yellow.
9. i should be asleep. its 6am.

dreading.

i just realized one reason i don't want to grow old. eventually all the ones that are older than me will have already done so. and will be gone. which i celebrate, but will selfishly covet the comfort they bring. especially when they hold me. when they let me cry.

Up

Tonight I realized how often I forget the verse when Jesus proclaims that we are to

'take up our cross

daily

and follow him.'

in Luke 9:23. my problems aren't really a one time thing. Turning things over for God to control isn't a one time deal. for me, it has to happen every day. because if i don't, then i pick the struggle back up.

journaling

'I was very cautious about what I put in the journals. I don't think it was because I feared someone else would discover my secrets. I think I was afraid to articulate, even for myself, feelings I might have to get rid of. Better to stick with what God was saying to me that what my heart was saying. It seemed the safer course.' -Elisabeth Elliot


God is much more concerned with our holiness than He is our own happiness.

day one.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. i miss you. your optimism. your sarcasm. your encouragement. your need for words of affirmation. and how i knew exactly how to give that love to you. and in return, you knew how to love me.
2. i really wish you hadn't done that to me. i almost feel like i'm screwed up for life. i've had complete paranoia about relationships ever since we ended.
3. if you were fifteen years younger and i didn't have a boy in my life, i'd date you.
4. you make me self conscience. and that's stupid. because you're an immature version of me.
5. why did you mess them up? i'm forever seen as a parallel because of you. and i hate that. can i just be steph?
6. i'm sorry relationships are complicated.
7. i miss you in my life. sometimes i need you more than i realize. the days when i want to go cry. and to be held by you. because its the most consistent i've ever known.
8. you don't know everything. i don't either. but i don't try to either. .
9. you are incredibly patient. and incredibly loving. don't doubt yourself. and i'll try to do the same for you.
10. i miss you. i need your ninety-three year old eyes looking into mine and knowing everything about me. i wish i could see you on this side of heaven again.

3:30am.

'He reached down from on high and took
hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful
enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong
for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious
place;
he rescued me because he delighted
in me.'
Psalm 18:16-19

I went to bed early tonight. After some prayer and reaching for comfort. Feeling a slight bit of peace at 11:55pm.
Waking up at 3:20am, I found myself well rested. Not just physically&with energy. But with a newness. Feeling the need to praise, I flipped to the Psalms, and there, found even more strength. God is good!

mixer.

Often we find ourselves dividing our activities into two categories: secular and sacred. We treat them as two very different things and find ourselves needing to check off the sacred in attempt to become more holy and justify the secular. We don't mix the two, and the rare time we do in the South, we call it fellowship (and that usually involves food). But I can't say with confidence that this is what God meant when he told us to live lives according to His glory. As buildings of God we are commanded to:

"build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire and the fire will test the quality of each person's work." 1 Corinthians 3:10b-13

Now, that is not to say, we must work in attempt to find this foundation, for the foundation has indeed already been laid by Jesus Christ. But what are we building with? Are we building with lasting impressions of what God has already done in our hearts or are we cheating ourselves with surface level straw?

for the next. .

nine times i want to blog, but don't know what to say:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

jam.

'Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.' 1 Timothy 4:16

keep yourself accountable for these.

charm is deceitful

pools, falling down cheeks.

streams, surfacing to palms.

quakes, disturbing voices.

vines, choking kindness.

bitterness, controlling hearts.


lions, prowling for deceit.





'Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.'
1 Peter 5:8

wait.

'. . .no one as heard
no ear has perceived
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.'

isaiah 64:4

forever.

i've had a seemingly parallel trio in my life. three boys continue to circulate in my life and its probably one of the strangest things i've ever loved.

collin, andrew, kevin
taylor, jed, david
randy, andy, william

odd.

branches.

sometimes we get so far ahead of where we were we don't realize just how far we've come.

Where Did I See My God?

the team list. after two weeks.

-Emma, in dealing with meat even though she's usually a strict vegan.
-Charlie, in eagerly asking me how I am doing and how my day is.
-Lauren, in her humility in experience.
-Laura, in her offerings of patience.
-Rachel, in her beautiful words of encouragement.
-Michaela, in her kind and gentle spirit.
-Lisa, in her praising voice and energy.
-Derek, when he realizes his own needs, to focus on HK&team.
-Chisom, in her wisdom and beauty.

this is a simple list. and this is only after two weeks.

three weeks later the list was expansive and had completely blossomed, just as my love for each member had.


i type this in effort for it to stay true in my life. I need to do this daily.
After the first time I compiled such a list I was speaking with Derek. And I realized that I, nor most of us, spend very much time seeing God in each other. Far too often I look for God in His actions, his natural creation, but rarely do I find myself looking into the character of others to better realize the character of God. As a family in Christ, we are called to exist as such. We attempt to make ourselves more like Christ, but do we take the time to honestly count the ways Christ shows himself to us in the lives of others?

glory.

If you have been reading my blog in hopes of hearing about Hong Kong, I'm sorry about the lack of updates. When you spend your days lesson planning, laughing with team, exploring hk and loving on students, there really isn't a ton of time in between to update a blog. But know that God has been faithful. He always is.
As I am back in America, I am taking some time to try to process everything that happened over the pass 5 weeks. Trying to see everything through the lens of the Holy One can be difficult at times. Even the things that have already happened. So, here I am, confused in America and longing for Asia.

Your prayers were highly appreciated as my team and I served in Asia; don't stop them.
We still have lives that are worth lifting up and need to be lived in reflection of the greatest glory.

love

i'm sorry i haven't posted lately. i love asia. i love hong kong. i love my team. i love elic. i know that's a lot of love, but God allows it.

blessings.

God has been so good to me. And he continues to pour out his blessings on me. I'm honestly not sure I could properly put into words the beauty of some of the tangible things he has blessed me with. . so here are a few of my favorite pictures from the pass few days. .

lunchtime.

friendship.

peace.

sweet love.

boys.

the beauty of a team.

joy

today was explosive.

With water balloons, water guns, buckets, water bottles and a hose, who knew Pui Ying Secondary School could have so much fun? My team had a massive water fight today with our students after our morning classes. William, the coordinator for the English camp at our school was just observing. For a while I thought he might have been frustrated by all action and extreme mess from all the water and balloon scraps. But he talked with Rachel, my team leader later and he was so glad we allowed the kids to just be kids. He said that they never get to do anything like that.
I feel like more than anything William was just taking in the extreme joy on the faces of the kids. It was probably overwhelming.