i am not a robot.

they're gone. diminished. completely conquered. this victory is a strange feeling. its almost like its not a victory. and now that i'm thinking that, its not, not for my flesh anyway. and here comes the separation again. i want to feed my flesh, but this victory is so much better. God is good.

completion.

God is good.

We cannot question His perfect timing or ways. He is good.

Lately I've had several 'testimony swaps' with some great new/old friends of mine. And in the case that one does not follow me on twitter or have befriended me on facebook, God is teaching me so much about community. It is so important to build good relationships with people that are actively pursuing God and to talk about it! God built us for relationships to not only encourage, but to learn from one another. If I can manage to be taught through the hardship of another rather then having to endure it myself, why not take advantage of the story that God has given someone else?
In my case testimony swaps are rather spontaneous things. And they have a way of making us all think about our lives and consider what God is teaching us so much more than we do when we are thinking about things on our own. With being as verbal as I am, I often say things when telling my story that I did not even realize about myself or about God's character. He is so good about revealing himself in His own mysterious timing and way.

Lately I've felt a serious separation. an absolutely painful one. like the reconstruction pains. The closer that God draws me near to Him the farther my sin feels away from who I am. My King is molding me into a being so like Him that I can literally feel the separation that sin causes from His wholeness. That separation is painful. It tears from the inside. I am the problem. Its a strange thing, to be disgusted with yourself and with sin. But its such a right thing, if we allow God to be in control of redeeming our lives into something so much better than what we think we could make for ourselves.

He is good. And I'm so thankful for everything he is doing in my life.

authoring.

excellent. i think i'll write children's books one day.

because i love story time with community and tales about my superhero detective friends, Tim and Lacie.

we know not why.

'I find I must borrow yet another parable from George MacDonald. Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right a stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage; but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.' -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The process of this remodeling isn't pretty. Pulling the old rotting foundation that we have built the house that we are on is not anything close to beautiful. It hurts. This is happening now. I do not have a clue what He is up to. But I wonder.
I want to fast forward through this process of knocking out walls and adding new things, but I cannot skip steps. This house would not be quite as stable if I was to hurry or skip things. And sometimes projects are left unfinished, but they will be completed when God is ready. Nothing is mine to direct.
But apparently I do have work to do inside of it. Do I have a choice?

This pile of words represents the confusion that I am in right now. Not only is the foundation moving, but the whole house is being relocated to a different destination. And I don't know where that is. .

honest dreams.

if i could do anything in the entire world, i would play bass in an indie band and hit up waffle house after shows. then sugar up on coffee and stay up until morn talking about important things in life, like politics and music, with the most quality of folks. ; )

that sort of always been a secret dream of mine. i'm not so sure why it was secret.

shaking

your general complexities leave me trembling.

the difference.

'Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed---not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence---continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.' Philippians 2: 12-16a

That's the issue, you don't hold firmly to the word of life. We hold on to the death that this life presents. We hold on so tightly that we cannot even glimpse at His word of life. We're far too busy looking at ourselves and how to satisfy others, when God is the one we need to both look to and attempt to satisfy.

God's Word

God's word is so good and full of both knowledge and truth that I continue to read the same books and passages over and over because of it. I cannot get enough of the love He shows just through giving me once verse of scripture that I get lost in awe of the glory He displays through it. I reread these words because He is so alive and his words so active.

'All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that all God's people may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.' -2 Timothy 3:16-17

nose.

i have a few favorite smells. Cheraw in the fall and the hair dye that i use are two of them. they are absolutely fantastic!

fiction

i've never had that feeling of true numbness until today. its probably the most unwanted feeling i've ever felt. i always thought it was fictional. . .

Sin and the Fact That We Can Do Nothing About It.

We can not, will not, and have absolutely no hopes of changing anyone's way of thinking until we show them Jesus. There are no hopes in trying to tell one to stop acting upon their gay feelings, to stop stealing from their parents, to stop cheating on their husband and wives, to stop lying to themselves until we show them Jesus. There is no reasoning with someone who doesn't agree with or has any reason to be moral. Too many people think of themselves as being completely alone. They're not. I fight hard enough to go against my sinful nature because I have an eternal reason to do so. Until we give those who do wrong the real reason to do so, we can expect no more of them than sin itself.

its mail time!

its camp time! which should mean mail time! i'll be at ambassador camp for the next six weeks and mail is always fun! so feel free to send me something delightful at:

Stephanie Moore
c/o Ambassador Camp
PO Box 200
Lake Waccamaw, NC 28450

And if you're too lazy to send an envelope please at least be praying for our team of staffers that will be working on Lake Waccamaw this summer!

guitar players.

so i recently discovered that i am not in any way attracted to guys that play guitar. i mean, that's cool and all, but it doesn't make a guy hot. now piano, that's a different story.

open your head!

The older I get the more annoyed I am by closed mindedness. That's not to say that I'm a tolerant fool that thinks everyone should get what they want. A huge annoyance grows in me when I read or hear close minded statements. That's not to say that one is not free to express every bit of their opinion, but keep in mind that the more you express, the more room you make for mine! I've been most aggravated by statements with clear prejudices and very little reasoning behind them. Let's not decrease our own intelligence by insulting another's.
I try my very best to keep an open mind, despite my strong political, religious and moral beliefs. We must realize not everyone is going to agree with us, and many people that don't, probably have a pretty good reason for thinking different. I think my roommate put it best when she declared that "you don't ignore your basic values...but you are compassionate and understanding. . . " This should continue. Not only for me, but for those that expect to be respected and have conversations with those who don't agree, in attempt to sharpen themselves.

hardcore.

i wonder why the heck i stay up like i do? what a dummy. i don't have time to make up for lost sleep until camp.

controversial brownies

not really

So brownies are my absolute favorite treats. And these are the best I've ever had-->

being controversial is my favorite. I'm not sure why I'm convinced that its the greatest, but I tried to convince an eighth grade friend of mine that a speech he had to make should have been controversial. not because he cares about anything controversial, but just because it would have made the most impact.

i get stranger everyday.

point.

why in the world are you going to question me going to a church that is an hour away? if i'm happy and that is where i am most fulfilled why would i consider anywhere else?

arrow

the night that rebecca lindsay and i laid together on ceaira's bed discussing what Christ had done for her is a simply beautiful one. and coming into the lodge with ceaira's face joyful, dispite the fact that rebecca had to talk to me makes me happy. with my arm around her, it took every bit of me not to just lay there and cry in gladness.

5 Simple Rules for Living with Brooke Rogers

1)Tell Brooke what you want done or if something needs to be done. This includes taking out the trash, changing the television channel, or playing a game.
2)Don't talk to Brooke when she gets quiet. She knows you care, but asking her about it is not going to make her talk or open up.
3)Unless you are a libertarian or Calvinist, and have an open mind about having more than surface level discussions about such, do not talk to Brooke about politics or religion.
4)Do not insult nerdy things without anticipating a defensive Brooke. She is a nerd and enjoys things like comics, cartoons, and film.
5)Do not expect Brooke to be more than sarcastic in a majority of conversations.

Lloyd

who the heck came up with the spelling of the name Lloyd? I have to stutter to say it correctly. that's dumb.

faithfulness

he is consistently so good to me.

sleep

i'm a fan of how beautiful you are.

and i hope its okay with you that i'm going to be the crazy cat lady when i grow up.

<3

He has all the love I'll ever need. I just have to throw my hands up in the air. I can't control this any more. Lord, just save me from being confused!

beach vs. mountains

i really like grass.

Baltimore.

"You're the God of this city,
You're the King of these people,
You're the Lord of this nation,
you are.

you're the light in the darkness
you're the hope to the hopeless
you're the peace to the restless
you are.

there is no one like our God.
there is no one like our God.

for greater things have yet to come,
and greater things are still to be done in this city.
greater things have yet to come
greater things are still to be done in this city."

Oh how my heart is still there. There is so much to be done in that city. The labor of our team is not close to complete. I do pray that God continues to be proclaimed in every area of that city.

fox news,

'talk is cheap, but lies are even cheaper. . '
-the morning benders.

The Princess and the Frog

Apparently it's a huge deal that there has never been an African American princess produced from the Disney company. Some articles has even claimed that Disney has never even had an American princess. That's obviously wrong. Has no one ever seen Pocahontas? Talk about American! Although, very few even consider her a princess. Be real, she was the chief's daughter and she was epic. I'm not gonna lie. Pocahontas my absolute favorite princess when I was growing up (and its a pretty beautiful film as far as animation goes). But above all else she was an actual princess. Some 'princesses' can't even say that.
How has Disney gone so long without someone noticing the missing race from all the Disney Princess products that have become immensely popular over the past few years? Everything from Barbie dolls to cupcake liners have been produced with a Disney Princess theme! I guess no one ever made a fuss about there not being an African America. But I mean really, there was a mermaid, but not a black girl!
Of course an outrageous number of blogs and other opinion sites have claimed that Barack Obama is the cause of the domino effect of racial identity across the cultural spectrum. Let's not give him all the credit. I mean, props on being the first non-white president, but seriously? Can't anyone breakthrough racial boundries without praising him for starting it all? Anyway, the new princess' animated film will be set in Cajun Louisiana during the Jazz Age. Talk about an interesting cultural opportunity. Let's hope she becomes a classic even if its only because of her color (although hopefully she will do something epic). But anything is better than sleeping. I'm all for knocking out some of the current 'princesses' so that this new girl can take her spot. What the heck is Sleeping Beauty doing considered one anyway?
All this to say, I am looking forward to this movie in attempt to see how the company has reflected the culture of the time, but more importantly to feel like a little girl again in watching a new princess movie.

we are nothing.

"Who can speak and have it happen
if the Lord has not decreed it?
It is not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?
Why should the living complain
when punished for their sins?"
Lamentations 3:37-39

cling to the Lord and his promises!
he is the only one worth trusting.

music

"good morning,

Baltimore!"

I'm actually going to Baltimore during spring break! It is going to be an absolutely awesome mission trip. There is a small group from the Francis Marion BCM going and we will be working with two churches and a group from Winthrop while we are there. Please pray for our hearts, physical preparation, and our journeys to a spiritually desolate place.

The Lord is ever so gentle with me. He is so gracious. I'm not sure why he is, but am I ever so thankful for such a beautiful grace. way to astound me once again!

issues.

pastels

why have i never realized just how much i truly love art?

i need Him.

'my heart is restless in me
my wings are all worn out
i am walking through the wilderness
and i cannot get out
i need you, oh, i need you
blessed Savior come
i need you, oh, i need you
fill the every longing of my soul!

oh, how i need you, Lord!
i need your perfect word
with tearful eyes i see
the sin that i afford.
i need to weep and pray
for all the thousand ways
that i have failed you just today. .

my bed is soaked with sadness
my sadness has no end
a downward spiral of despair
that i keep falling in
i need you, oh, i need you
to you my soul shall fly
i need you, oh, i need you
Yaweh, how i love you more than life

oh how i need you Lord,
i need your perfect word
with tearful eyes i see
the sin that i afford.
i need to weep and pray
for all the thousand ways
that i have failed you just today. .'

the swift

what's next?

'All women are stupid and all men are bastards'

We should attempt to free ourselves from such stereotypes.

A feminist should celebrate who they are created to be, not with their body, but with their hearts.

history.

who did what in history is stupid.
learning cause and effects are good stuff.
just saying.

crash, burn and compassion

We don't know any stories but our own, and of that we only know the past. We cannot judge or act without the thought that the people we interact with are going through things that are just as complicated as (if not more than) our own circumstances. We cannot imagine the rings that emit from one irresponsible and unconcerned action, particularly racists ones. I've heard it said that there is unequal opportunity between groups that do not allow for adequate lifestyle achievement. But if you get down to the core of unevenness among individuals its not a matter of opportunities, but rather a matter of laziness. If we declare that someone of another stereotypical group is not progressive, we are ourselves are in such a hole. By not attempting to understand others we become the people we despise.
I feel as though each of the stronger points that I have been making lately are a reminder of compassion. And there is no promise in compassion that it will be shown back. But we must continue to show it. Generally as human beings, and specifically as Christians with higher purpose. People are all different and to even begin to think that one or a group is more superior in the eyes of the world is completely ludicrous.
Speaking of 'Ludacris' he, along with a large array of cast members, do a pretty terrific job making this point clear through the movie Crash. Pointing out how our lives as humans are so completely intertwined, this film allows a vision into understanding one another and pointing out the flaws of each of our lives that actually make us more similar than many of us want to believe.

laughter

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about. And that was the beginning of faeries." Finding Neverland

and thankfully it was the beginning of laughs. how i do miss the imagination of children, so much that i some times cry. Such innocent laughing is so important. about as important as their imagination.

coconut

"you are
an easy girl
to love
an easy girl
to kiss
an easy girl
to miss
when you're gone
i say girl
you say yeah
i love you
easy girl
please say
i do"
coconut
records

approval

what a blessing good friends are. good conversations until 4 am are absolutely wonderful when they are with someone you love and didn't know how much you did until then. goodness that was good!

although, i miss bill jolly's 'gooooood mornings'

I don't know how he does it. Capturing my heart like this. No human has ever been able to get me up as easily. He really is the only one who is able to wake me like He does!

". . .He wakens me morning by morning,
wakens my ear like one being taught."
Isaiah 50:4b

the curious case of benjamin button.

This movie was simply lovely. And I usually don't say that about movies that last about three hours long, but I really enjoyed it (and i'm not even a big fan of Brad Pitt). Timing can change everything. And encounters with others are not something that need to be forced. Things will only last if they come about timely.

blessings

"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness
and who seek the Lord:
Look to the rock from which you were cut
and to the quarry from which you were hewn;
look to Abraham, your father,
and to Sarah,who gave you birth.
When I called him he was only one man,
and I blessed him and made him many."
Isaiah 51:1-2

bless with it.

the patriarchs.

the journey starts tomorrow. i beg for strength that is not my own.

so maybe i do want it to rain tomorrow. .i can hear the wind.

rock.

I love when He makes my heart beat faster than usual.

reality and politics.

“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.” Titus 3:1-2

Obviously there is a lot wrong with our world morally and politically, but what are Christians supposed to think or do about it? Too often we don’t do anything and some times when we do act we end up giving off a harsh overtone (and often a completely distorted picture of Christianity). The one of the most difficult challenges is attempting to find a balance in how to respond to the world as a Christian. There are three things we absolutely cannot be: lazy, slanderous, or tolerant. Each of these ideals have major pitfalls and are too often the paths chosen of those who are confused about what God wants them to show the world.
Laziness is something that I know I personally suffer a lot from. Honestly, I think most teenagers do. But as some of the most influential people in so many areas of life we have to consider how terrible of a consequence being lazy is. And in this case, this is not only for about teenagers. We must fight off the temptation to ignore the problems of the world and declare that they are not our own and then, that because they have nothing to do with us directly, there is nothing we can do. There are people we come in contact with everyday that if we just showed compassion could begin to change a lot of the moral to that in itself would not be an act of laziness. Proverbs 10:4 says “Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.” This isn’t to say that if we stay active politically that we are going to gain anything monetarily (because the truth is, we probably won’t), but as a child of God we will further the kingdom of Heaven, and what better reward is there but that?
We don’t think a lot of political jokes. Most of them are pretty funny, I will admit, but there is a point where such jokes become clearly slanderous. If anyone, whether we agree with them or not, is put into a position of authority over us, we must submit to them. We may not agree with them, but I am sure that there are some points in which individuals would agree (no matter the lust for a difference there may be).
When the letter to Titus speaks that we are to be gentle toward everyone, an interpretation can be drawn that in that sense we are to be gentle when confronting others in our differences. This is often where the harsh overtones come in. So often I see people attempting to bring out truth, but in a way in which turns unbelievers completely away from God. With the knowledge of serving a sovereign God you have to realize that your words are not your own when speaking to others that may not believe the same as you do (not only religiously but also politically). Therefore, we cannot allow ourselves to take over and diminish those who we do not see eye to eye with. We must allow the Lord’s gentle spirit to control our tongues in such situations.

All this is said to make the point that I am no more perfect than anyone reading this. Most often when I post anything that is supposed to point out any flaw, I am most often speaking to myself. I cannot be lazy, slanderous or tolerant in my actions in any way. Too often these are sins I fall into in every aspect of my life. So despite the interest to write about the way we should view things politically I have written about sin in itself. This reminds of how real and living the Word of God is. He stays so alive through his word, and I don’t use this to my advantage often enough.

love.

my life revolves around a summer camp. seems impractical, but i love it and everyone there more than anything on this planet.

to, from and about my favorites.

i love them. i can't imagine them not together. they belong together. just let it be. let it be.
stop fighting it. stop fighting something so good.


thank you for taking me the way i am.


i want a day of coffee, rain, and the Word. 'tomorrow' starts at 8am.


"lung of love leaves me breathless"

far away.

"i will live my life
as a lobsterman's wife
on an island in the blue bay.
he will take care of me
he will smell like the sea,
and close to my heart
he'll always stay.

i will bear three girls
all with strawberry girls
Lou Ella and Nellie and Faye
while i'm combing they're hair
i will catch his warm stare
on our island in the blue bay.

far away, far away, i wanna go far away
to a new life on a new shore line
where the water is blue,
and the people are new
to another island, in another life."
ingrid michaelson.

keep it real.

i can't do everything. i can't be everything. i can only be myself and my relationship with whoever you are is hopefully a friend. one you can talk to and feel comfortable around. you don't have to share everything about you with me because i don't expect anyone is completely able of doing so with any other human being. but be real. completely real. i won't care if you're different than me. because, let's face it, who isn't? that's all i'm saying. today.