Tuesday, December 28, 2010
overdue simplified reflections.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
dry sponge.
i can sort of feel the drops sitting behind my eyelids,
pushing themselves to the surface. but they don't come.
i'm not sure why.
but my face seems as dry as my spirit is.
i pray for restoration.
and i feel it coming.
not just because of my conditions.
but because i am seeking it.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
day two.
1. my flesh gets incredibly itchy in the winter.
2. i find that more often than should, God finds himself squeezing the bit of Jesus in me out to serve, rather than finding myself pouring Him out.
3. i'm not as craftsy as i'd like to be. its mostly because of a lack of motivation. i've got good ideas, the execution is lacking.
4. one of the reasons that i started dying my hair and became a vegetarian are the same.
5. i'm much more of a germ freak that i let on. no really, if i get in my bed dirty with a new set of clean sheets i will do the same every night without a shower until i rewash the sheets. if i take a shower at night the first night, i will do the same until i feel the need to wash the sheets.
6. raspberry iced tea has become my latest constant craving.
7. i love a good talk about the Lord. quality time involving such is a favorite. unfortunately interest in quality time involving talking about individual lives has grown faint compared to my interest in talking specifically about the Lord. not that that's a bad thing, i just seem more uninterested than i once did. and that's unfortunate.
8. my favorite color is undoubtedly yellow.
9. i should be asleep. its 6am.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
dreading.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Up
'take up our cross
daily
and follow him.'
in Luke 9:23. my problems aren't really a one time thing. Turning things over for God to control isn't a one time deal. for me, it has to happen every day. because if i don't, then i pick the struggle back up.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
journaling
God is much more concerned with our holiness than He is our own happiness.
Monday, October 25, 2010
day one.
1. i miss you. your optimism. your sarcasm. your encouragement. your need for words of affirmation. and how i knew exactly how to give that love to you. and in return, you knew how to love me.
2. i really wish you hadn't done that to me. i almost feel like i'm screwed up for life. i've had complete paranoia about relationships ever since we ended.
3. if you were fifteen years younger and i didn't have a boy in my life, i'd date you.
4. you make me self conscience. and that's stupid. because you're an immature version of me.
5. why did you mess them up? i'm forever seen as a parallel because of you. and i hate that. can i just be steph?
6. i'm sorry relationships are complicated.
7. i miss you in my life. sometimes i need you more than i realize. the days when i want to go cry. and to be held by you. because its the most consistent i've ever known.
8. you don't know everything. i don't either. but i don't try to either. .
9. you are incredibly patient. and incredibly loving. don't doubt yourself. and i'll try to do the same for you.
10. i miss you. i need your ninety-three year old eyes looking into mine and knowing everything about me. i wish i could see you on this side of heaven again.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
3:30am.
hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful
enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong
for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious
place;
he rescued me because he delighted
in me.'
Psalm 18:16-19
I went to bed early tonight. After some prayer and reaching for comfort. Feeling a slight bit of peace at 11:55pm.
Waking up at 3:20am, I found myself well rested. Not just physically&with energy. But with a newness. Feeling the need to praise, I flipped to the Psalms, and there, found even more strength. God is good!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
mixer.
"build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire and the fire will test the quality of each person's work." 1 Corinthians 3:10b-13
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
for the next. .
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Monday, October 04, 2010
jam.
keep yourself accountable for these.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
charm is deceitful
streams, surfacing to palms.
quakes, disturbing voices.
vines, choking kindness.
bitterness, controlling hearts.
lions, prowling for deceit.
'Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.'
1 Peter 5:8
wait.
no ear has perceived
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.'
isaiah 64:4
Sunday, September 26, 2010
forever.
collin, andrew, kevin
taylor, jed, david
randy, andy, william
odd.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Where Did I See My God?
-Emma, in dealing with meat even though she's usually a strict vegan.
-Charlie, in eagerly asking me how I am doing and how my day is.
-Lauren, in her humility in experience.
-Laura, in her offerings of patience.
-Rachel, in her beautiful words of encouragement.
-Michaela, in her kind and gentle spirit.
-Lisa, in her praising voice and energy.
-Derek, when he realizes his own needs, to focus on HK&team.
-Chisom, in her wisdom and beauty.
this is a simple list. and this is only after two weeks.
three weeks later the list was expansive and had completely blossomed, just as my love for each member had.
i type this in effort for it to stay true in my life. I need to do this daily.
After the first time I compiled such a list I was speaking with Derek. And I realized that I, nor most of us, spend very much time seeing God in each other. Far too often I look for God in His actions, his natural creation, but rarely do I find myself looking into the character of others to better realize the character of God. As a family in Christ, we are called to exist as such. We attempt to make ourselves more like Christ, but do we take the time to honestly count the ways Christ shows himself to us in the lives of others?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
glory.
As I am back in America, I am taking some time to try to process everything that happened over the pass 5 weeks. Trying to see everything through the lens of the Holy One can be difficult at times. Even the things that have already happened. So, here I am, confused in America and longing for Asia.
Your prayers were highly appreciated as my team and I served in Asia; don't stop them.
We still have lives that are worth lifting up and need to be lived in reflection of the greatest glory.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
love
Sunday, July 18, 2010
blessings.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
joy
With water balloons, water guns, buckets, water bottles and a hose, who knew Pui Ying Secondary School could have so much fun? My team had a massive water fight today with our students after our morning classes. William, the coordinator for the English camp at our school was just observing. For a while I thought he might have been frustrated by all action and extreme mess from all the water and balloon scraps. But he talked with Rachel, my team leader later and he was so glad we allowed the kids to just be kids. He said that they never get to do anything like that.
I feel like more than anything William was just taking in the extreme joy on the faces of the kids. It was probably overwhelming.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
first day, quick rundown.
Teaching can be intense, especially when its a foreign language and you don't know the students' native one. Today was our first real day of teaching. And let's just say, it was a little intense, but it gave me good vision for the future.
I'm excited about the relationships I will be able to build with my students! Although, there are a few troublesome ones. This one guy, Wilson, certainly has a difficult heart. I'm not sure what it will take to really get him to behave, but prayer is always helpful. :] My other students behaved pretty well, and several seemed a little interested about the reason I was at Pui Ying to teach them English. Please pray that I will take advantage of every opportunity that God sets in front of me to really get to know the hearts of my students so that He can be much more glorified in their lives.
"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
1Peter 1:13
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Massage in Hong Kong
Friday, July 09, 2010
harbor interactions
Yesterday we were able to meet the officials of the school our team will be working with. They were such sweet people. I'm so excited about finally getting into the classroom and learning on a very intimate level (that's in contrast to riding the MTR with thousands of people, of course!). Derek and I will be talking about them on the Engage blog on a post coming up, so keep your eye out! http://engagehk.posterous.com/Yesterday my team journeyed to the Harbor where they have a light show displaying from the colorfully lit buildings. It was a blast for sure, but my favorite part was meeting Ronald. He's a Hong Kong native and has such a big heart. He was completely pleased to hear that we were all here to teach English and to spread love. He was so encouraging to my heart. To know that the people here want to continue to grow in community and spirit is so reassuring. When I mentioned that being here was the first time I had ever even been in an airplane, he was not only surprised but exclaimed 'oh, keep coming!' Being surrounded by darkness the small lights of hope provide such a beautiful encouragement to the body.
Monday, July 05, 2010
Training&Team
We all seem to be meshing so so well. I'm so excited about actually getting to the teaching part of this adventure. But, I love having an opportunity to stop and bond with all of the teachers that will be across Asia this summer. We're all learning so much. But, to be honest, I would be so overwhelmed if I wasn't an education major. Every one else is getting a lot thrown at them at one time though. I know its been pretty intense for some of the folks on my team. But I'm so positive that we've been placed together so that we can learn so much from one another. Its gonna be great!So we're on the Hong Kong island of Cheung Chau and it is absolutely beautiful. The scenery is nothing like I've ever seen in North America. Its incredible.
Please be thinking about my team as we all continue training and working together. Rachel, Laura, Lisa, Chisom, Derek, Lauren, Julia, Charlie, Emma and I are so excited about all that is going to be happening here!
Friday, July 02, 2010
First Flight, etc.
Hello friends! I’m sitting on flight 879 on my way to Hong Kong, and let me tell you, this is one long flight! Seriously, I feel like I’ve been flying all day long. . oh wait, I HAVE! When I got off in San Francisco I overheard someone ask what time it was and the response was 11:30. By that point in my day, I had gone through about four 11:30s! And then of course, I could finally begin my international flight!
It has been so great to finally meet so many of the faces that I’ve only seen through profile pictures on Facebook. Oh, and they are all such sweet people! Laura and Kyle are my flying family and have been such great fun on the journey! Especially since Kyle is from Canada! Talk about fun to listen to talk! We’ve been able to take restroom breaks together, as whenever I have to get up, we all do because I’m in the window seat. And enjoyed a tasty airplane food meal together! Yum! No seriously, it wasn’t too terrible!
But anyway, I just wanted to update from the plane and send a few things to be praying for.
First off, several of our team members were not able to join us on our flight. This is pretty upsetting since they couldn’t travel with the group and be reassured with ELIC folks’ company, so pray for their reassurance.
Secondly, I have been getting random surges of inadequacy. I know God has prepared me for this journey or I wouldn’t even be on this plane, but the whole not speaking a word of hardly any foreign language will get to me every now and again.
Although, I will say, God has certainly done something right with our team! The planning is great. I have some great feelings about us all meshing together. In fact, I’m a really big fan of Laura. She’s cracking me up right now!
Thursday, July 01, 2010
blinking
this is big stuff. this is life changing stuff. but then again, all our lives can be. Its about what we make them. Do we make our everyday lives life changing stuff? we could. we really could. and not just our own lives. more importantly, those around us.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
wonderful, merciful savior
but it has been some of the most difficult times of being at camp. knowing that i'll only be here to be a counselor for one week is heartbreaking. i feel like i'm teasing myself.
please be praying that the week that i plan on spending packing and really preparing everything for my journey to China won't be more difficult than i already anticipate because of my longing to spend more time at camp. i know my King has some amazing stuff in store for me while i am in Asia, and i absolutely cannot wait to get started! but its going to be difficult. my heart does indeed belong to this camp. i try not to spend too much time thinking about camp outside of it because camp often tends to making reality pale in comparison to everything about this place.
but God is good. He makes this place what it is.
He is the counselor. comforter. keeper.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Reflections of a Caste System
Most of us live in caste systems of our own. Each day we run into others that are poorer or richer than us. But not in the monetary sense of the word; in the spiritual. We create boundries between people we know that are suffering because of their lack of Hope and our own lives. Its as if we're concerned that we're going to catch some sort of 'disbelief disease' if we spend too much time conducting our lives with them in mind. But we're commanded to. I am reminded of the Great Commission and 'to go and make disciples of all nations' in Matthew 28. Too often we read all nations and we think of those that are not our own. But what about it? What about this nation? What about the cites and towns that we find ourselves in right now that have caste systems that too greatly parallel that of India?
Why can't the richness that we have found for our own lives not be overflowed to those that lack it? How can we cast judgements on those who live a lifestyle of sin, when we offer them no hope to step out of it? Do we live our lives in attempt to break down the spiritual caste system that we universally live in?
All this to say, remember that the souls without Christ across the world are just and hungry as those in this nation. Let us not live our lives in the a caste system that restricts the Spirit from fulfilling His work in us. I ask that you join me in praying particularly for the nation of India today. For the Lord can indeed break the barriers that exists spiritually and physically in that country. And do the same for your own country. The God that we serve can destroy the caste system we find ourselves functioning under.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Christmas Mornin' Feelin'?
My fourteen year old brother is leaving for Puerto Rico tomorrow, or rather, later today. And he's going that way for a mission trip! Its truly exciting to see him growing in Christ and yearning to serve his King. Earlier he came downstairs because he couldn't sleep. He's as excited as I am for him! But he made the statement that its practically like Christmas.
I found a flaw in his statement. It is the complete opposite of Christmas. The night before Christmas is about waiting for all the things you're going to get in the morning. The toys, games and clothes that will all fade away. But not being able to sleep because of this excitement is different.
This excitement is when selfishness transforms into selflessness. Yes, my brother will indeed be rewarded through obedience, but its not about him. This traveling adventure isn't about what he can get out of it. Its about being completely outside of yourself and existing for something greater. something eternal.
i want to see us yearn for the excitement of the transformation from selfishness. and not just have this kind of excitement for other, but also ourselves. do we find ourselves being willing to personally be selfless, or is it easier to watch everyone else manage it?
Saturday, May 08, 2010
addiction
Friday, March 19, 2010
3/19/10
how hard we'll fall
before we reach the top
of the wayward
willow tree.
that stands
alone.
surrounded by
foreign types.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
for the rain to
hold her
down.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
though i never have the chance.
i'm more passionate than i realized. now cultivation must continue without doubt.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
forgiveness.
according to your unfailing love,
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin,
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me,
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evin in your sight,
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.'
Psalm 51:1-4
Monday, February 08, 2010
right now
who thinks she knows me
she adore the way my words
feel just like home
but she don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.
this is for the boy next door
who thinks he loves me
he adores the voice that soars
into his heart
but he don't know
the sadness flow
that pours out nightly,
still i keep rolling
the lonesome road out
before me.
Where do you lie down?
And can I lie too,
Oh just for a moment,
But then I gotta go.'
-Ingrid Michaelson
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
he trys to find a cure for the pain
we're either riders or fools behind the reins.
i've spent ten years, trying to sing it all away
but the water keeps on falling from my tries
and heaven knows, heaven knows
i try to find a cure for the pain
oh my Lord, to suffer like you do,
it would be a lie to run away
a lie to run
it would be a lie
it would be a lie to run away'
-jon forman
Sunday, January 10, 2010
CHINA!
I am on the leadership team for the Baptist Collegiate Ministries on the Francis Marion University campus. BCM has a lot of summer mission opportunities during so I started the application for some of the trips. Still, nothing felt quite right (and let's note: there are no currently planned trips to China this summer!). I knew God was teaching me to wait on him.
Four friends and I were journeying to Passion2010 and I was REALLY hoping for some sort of revelation about where God might have me this summer. It came in a way I never expected. On the third evening of Passion, Louie Giglio kicked the main session off with a video about China. I honestly cannot tell you much of what was said in that video. There weren't any super convicting facts about the godlessness in China that would make one want to get involved with China, but I knew I had to make my way there. Chinese college students were all that I could think about. After the video, the girl that shared her testimony in the video was actually introduced by Louie and then prayed for everyone at Passion. When Sam started praying for us in Chinese it blew my mind!
After the main session, community groups were held. I was actually a little nervous about meeting in my family group. I knew we would be talking about what John Piper had just spoken about, but I had no clue what he said because my mind was on China the ENTIRE time. I had no idea how in the world I was supposed to get there, but Chinese college students were all that mattered. When my family group started talking about what Piper had spoken on I was clueless. Before we got too far into discussion, Clay, my community group's leader touched my back and asked if he could sit with us for a few minutes while we discussed what John had spoken about. The circle was just getting around to my understanding when I looked at Clay and explained that I did not have a clue what he had spoken about. And that I had been thinking about China the entire time. He looked at me and said, that it was rather funny that I had be given such an interest for China and that I should certainly talk with 'Biscuet', who lives in China. Of course at that moment I did not have a clue who in the world Biscuet was. But after community groups I was connected with him and began asking him about his passion for China
Biscuet actually teaches English in Hong Kong and works with an organization that has folks like him teaching English across East Asia. He's been with the English Language Institue/China for two years working as an English teacher.
Then he began talking about Engage. This program invites anyone to come and spend four weeks in mainland China, working with students and getting to know them right where they are and sharing Christ's love with them. Then, the fifth week is spent in Vietnam, Lous, Mongolia, Cambodia or mainland China doing the same thing there. I knew that out of the whole line up of these events I had to go! And this was exactly where God wanted me this summer.
China?! of all places! I've never considered China in my life! But I am so sure that there is where he will have me this summer!
Please be praying for China. Be praying for my journey there. And pray for the hearts of the people I and the team I will be working with will be interacting with this summer. I cannot wait and God has so much in store!
after a much needed phone chat.
1 Peter 2:13-17